Retreat Read Online Free PDF Page B

him.

     
    ~

     
    I was drunk and nearly numb when I finally got out of the tub and made my way to my bedroom. I had not told my parents about the break up, but my mom, with her uncanny intuition, had guessed and had told my father to give me some space. They had gone out to dinner without me, to a restaurant nearby just in case I decided the loneliness was too much to bear.
    I stumbled into bed wearing only a bathrobe, not entirely sure if I wanted company or seclusion.
    Seclusion won out. I couldn’t tell them what happened, largely in part because I just didn’t have the mental faculties at the moment to explain away Henry’s actions.
    I wondered if this was some phase he was going through, some therapy exercise. The thought offered me a little comfort and I was able to close my puffy eyes and go to sleep.
    I awoke some time later when I heard a knock at my window. I rolled off my bed, the room still spinning from the alcohol, and opened the window for Henry.
    “Hey,” he said with his hands in his pockets. His eyes, I noticed with some satisfaction, were red-ringed. “Can I come in?”
    “For what reason?”
    “I just… I had to see you.” He looked at me with his eyebrows drawn together, his eyes pleading.
    I gave a nod and stepped aside, holding onto my old desk to steady me. The moment his feet touched the carpet, he strode to me and wrapped me in his arms, clutching at my hair, pressing my face into his chest. I could feel his rapid heartbeat against my cheek, and I realized, even through my drunken haze, that I could never love anyone more. If this was really over, if Henry really wanted out, I would be a ruined mess for anyone else who came after.
    He closed his eyes and pressed his lips against my forehead, but what was supposed to be a comforting gesture instead broke my heart into a million pieces.
    Henry was here to say goodbye.
    I blotted my tears with his gray shirt, memorizing everything: the largeness and solidity of his body, the cool, fresh scent of his deodorant, the thud-thud of his heart in his chest. I wanted to flood my every sense with Henry, to lose myself to sensation so that I wouldn’t have to think about the fact that he was saying goodbye. So I slid my hands up his muscled back to his head and pulled him down to meet my lips.
    I kissed him hard, my tongue slipping against his with hunger and need. He responded with a groan and pushed me against the wall, pinning my body against his. He shoved a knee between my legs and pressed his thigh into my crotch, rocking his erection into my stomach, causing a delicious friction. He stopped kissing me long enough to pull on the back of his shirt, slipping it over his head in one motion.
    His hands came between us and grabbed the lapels of my bathrobe, peeling it away from my naked body. He pulled away for a brief moment, his eyes raking over me with that dark look on his face. “God, I’ll miss you,” he rasped.
    I saw red at that moment, balking at his audacity. “You asshole,” I said and slapped him across the cheek.
    He grunted, his eyes turning feral. “Do it again,” he ordered.
    So I did, my palm landing flat on his cheek. He grunted again and ground his teeth. When I raised my hand to strike again, he grabbed my wrist and punished me with his mouth, kissing me with an anger and desperation I’d never felt before. His other hand grabbed me by the jaw and forced my head up then he proceeded to rain kisses on my neck, along my collarbone, nipping with his teeth at every juncture.
    The pleasure and fury roiled around inside me like a tempest. I wanted to hurt him back, to give him a taste of what he’d put me through, so I dug my fingers into his back and raked my nails across his skin.
    He made a low guttural sound at the back of his throat then grabbed me by the waist, ripped me away from the wall, and threw me onto the bed. I gaped up at him, trying to catch my breath, as he unzipped his pants, his muscles straining to do