Red House Blues Read Online Free PDF

just what he needed
anyway.
    But as soon as the sun set the rain
transformed into ice pellets. Now Tony faced the treacherous
half-mile slide home in the dark. And when he got there what would
he find but Suzan probably weeping and wailing half the night on
Claire’s shoulder. He didn’t know how long he could stick it out
with Claire at this rate.
    The sidewalk was already white with sleet so
he moved off to the verge where the grass provided some traction.
His shoes weren’t up to the weather. Should have worn his old Doc
Martins but he hadn’t been paying any attention to the weather,
what with fuming about Claire playing guardian angel to Suzan and
resenting that Claire had the day off while he had to work. He
deserved frostbite, he supposed. Ice insinuated itself down his
collar and into his thin high tops. Martyrdom. The nobility of
suffering. His Catholic boyhood slithered down his spine with the
ice particles. Predictable how it always came back to him when he
felt the worst, when he ached to suffer for his supposed sins. Even
a blizzard wouldn’t be enough for him.
    When he got to the house he was relieved
that the Ford was in the drive, covered with a thin layer of sleet.
They’d gotten back safely at least. When he let himself in he could
smell hot chocolate coming from the kitchen. Claire waiting up for
him. Light coming from the door showed just enough of the living
room that Tony made out a mound of comforters on the couch. Suzan,
asleep.
    He knew if he went to the kitchen he’d be
expected to apologize, be understanding. Ask how Suzan was doing.
Thank Claire for the hot chocolate. He wasn’t up for any of it.
Walked upstairs, knowing she could hear the anger still in his
footsteps. Glad. It would take more than a cup of cocoa. She could
sit down there in the kitchen and think about her priorities.
    The chill he had felt wasn’t all due to the
weather but as he stood under the hot shower some of it loosened
its grip on his bones. Still, he wasn’t ready to contend with
Claire. Tony turned off the water and got out of the shower. The
mirror was thoroughly steamed over and that was fine. He didn’t
think he wanted to see himself any more than see her.
    Dressed in a pair of striped flannel pajamas
his mother gave him last Christmas, he got into bed and turned out
the bedside lamp. Then thought better of faking sleep and turned
the lamp back on. It was a childish impulse to hide under the
covers. That would give her the upper hand.
    A few minutes later Claire came upstairs. “I
made hot chocolate for you,” she said as she undressed.
    “I know. Sorry. I had to get a shower”
    “Want me to get you a cup. It’s probably
still hot.”
    “No, thanks.”
    She rummaged in the dresser drawer for a
nightgown. Something warm. It would be a cold night.
    “Tony, I couldn’t leave her,” she said,
turning toward him. “You can understand that. They gave her a bunch
of pain pills. She shouldn’t be alone.”
    Shivering, she pulled on a blue floral sleep
shirt. It wouldn’t be warm enough but it was better than
nothing.
    “Sure. It’s okay, Claire. Really.”
    “No, it isn’t. You don’t want her here. So,
what am I supposed to do? Your attitude is not fair and it’s not
like you.”
    “I said it was okay. And fair doesn’t have
much to do with any of this, Claire. Was Suzan fair to Sean? Was it
fair that some asshole ran him down like a dog? What’s fair? Is it
fair I come home in freezing rain and find that bitch on our
couch?”
    Claire came around the far side of the bed
and slid between the bedding, being careful not to touch him.
    “I’ll take her home first thing in the
morning,” said Claire, softly to the back of his head, and turned
out the bedside lamp.
    He didn’t respond. Everything had been said.
And he didn’t feel very noble or justified or righteous. He felt
like he wanted to hurt someone. He wanted it to be Suzan but Claire
would do. Knowing that turned his stomach. But there