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hair-coiffing of herd tenders ], you will notice the difference in my voice.”
    â€œYeah,” I said. “For sure.” It was hard to describe, but when he said those things, the voice sounded slightly slower, and like it was vibrating, but not exactly. It was more of a feeling, and I understood that I was getting a rough equivalent, and there was a kind of mental pause and rush, like if a video playback had a glitch that caused it to slow and then hurry ahead to catch up. “That’s cool. Wait, did you just get that weird sensation when I said cool ?”
    â€œI received a relative cultural equivalent of whatever word you used.”
    I couldn’t get my head around all of this—not really. This dapper giraffe in a suit, who spoke with a Dutch accent, was a real alien, born on another planet full of giraffe people, who had access to incredible technology. And it was all real. “What else is out there?” I asked.
    â€œThere are too many things to list, so perhaps you could tell me what you are curious to hear about,” Dr. Roop suggested amiably. He tilted his head to one side, but having just been told that that I wasn’t getting any help on body language, I had no idea what it meant.
    I thought for a second. “Are there, I don’t know, space pirates?”
    â€œSome. Not many.” He lowered his neck in a gesture that Ifelt sure meant something among his own kind. A shrug? “Our peace officers try to make piracy an unappealing option.”
    â€œMysterious elder aliens and extinct races?”
    â€œOh, yes.” His eyes widened.
    â€œTeleportation?”
    â€œOnly on a subatomic level,” he said. “Much of the defense technology we possess depends upon what amounts to, for all practical purposes, quantum-level teleportation. The process can be done on a larger scale, but requires vast amounts of energy, and the only way to teleport a living being is to destroy it and recreate an identical facsimile. Most beings choose not to experiment with the process.”
    â€œYeah, I can see why. How about time travel?”
    He cocked his head slightly. “I am not at liberty to discuss that subject.”
    That was a yes, I decided. “Can I transfer my consciousness into an avatar?”
    â€œIt can be done,” he said, “but the side effects include shortness of breath and explosive diarrhea. It’s much easier to simply reshape your existing body.”
    â€œWhat about the Force and Jedi powers? Are they real?”
    â€œNo,” Dr. Roop said. “That would be silly.”
    â€¢Â Â Â â€¢Â Â Â â€¢
    Here was the deal as the giraffe guy explained it. Along with the other three humans, and representatives from three other species, I would go visit the Confederation of United Planets, and there we would be evaluated, though he was vague about the details. If, after a standard year—only a few days shorter than an Earth year—a species was deemed worthy, then the Confederation would initiate the first phase of integration. Wewould be given incredible new technology that would help us eliminate pollution, hunger, disease, and want.
    â€œDr. Roop has assured us that the nations of the Earth would maintain their local sovereignty,” Ms. Price assured me. “In case you were worried about that.”
    I couldn’t imagine why she thought I would even care, but still, good to know.
    â€œHow you order your local affairs is of little interest to the Confederation,” Dr. Roop said, “as long as the various countries of your world demonstrate the values and behaviors we consider commensurate with our standards. We will give you the means to create a just and fair world, and if you are able to take advantage of what you are given, then you can advance to full participation in the Confederation. Eventually, you will be provided with the technology for interstellar travel.”
    Given how