was fairly invulnerable, Ryan was most definitely not. Gar knew he should send the kid away, but he was also aware of the pain it would cause. Not just to Ryan, but to him.
If he wasn’t going to reject him, he owed him a full explanation. Without any proof to support it, Gar was certain Ryan wouldn’t leave once he found out. Even with the risks being around Gar posed, Ryan would stay. For the same reasons Gar couldn’t turn him out, Ryan couldn’t leave.
Footsteps and the movement of the air alerted him before Ryan’s image appeared in the glass. He had a towel around his waist and had managed to tame his still-damp hair.
“Gar?”
“Yes?”
“Please don’t sleep on the couch.” Although a hint of desire caught in Ryan’s voice, the need to be accepted was louder.
Keeping his gaze fixed on the city lights, Gar steeled himself to decline the request. “Ryan….”
“Please?” The need in his voice forced Gar to turn.
Skinny, pale, and mostly smooth, with a patch of hair just above the waist, Ryan looked vulnerable in just his towel. It occurred to him that Ryan was worried that the moment had passed and Gar wouldn’t want someone who looked like him. If only he knew.
“Ryan, let me finish, please.” Gar waited until he received a tentative, sad nod. “Before we do anything, you need to know who and, more importantly, what I am. I can’t do that tonight. This isn’t a rejection. My reaction in the shower was genuine. I do want to be with you, and I do find you attractive. But we can’t be intimate tonight. Please accept that.”
Tears forming in his eyes, Ryan searched Gar’s face for something. When he looked away, Gar knew he had failed. For too long, he had renounced his feelings and expressing them to others. Tonight, when he needed to reassure, he failed.
No, he hadn’t failed, not yet. “Ryan….” Moving quickly, Gar took Ryan’s hand in his. “Don’t look away, please. If you give me a day, you have my word, if you still feel this way tomorrow, I won’t say no.”
“A day?”
Gar nodded, keeping his gaze locked on Ryan’s. “Tomorrow I’ll explain everything. After that… well, after that, you’ll have to let me know if the offer is still good.”
“Tomorrow,” Ryan repeated softly. “Okay, but will you at least hold me tonight? I’ll be good, but it’s been so long….”
He wanted to say no because that wasn’t much better. Sex wasn’t the problem; it was the emotional attachment. Attachment. That was the rub. Part of him was already attached. He just didn’t know when, how, or why.
“Okay,” he said.
A small smile appeared and continued to grow until Ryan looked about to burst.
But for his emotional detachment, something he practiced for more than three decades, Gar might be reacting the same way as Ryan. He didn’t understand what connected them, but whatever it was, he had a day to figure it out.
Ryan practically ran to the bathroom and tossed his towel over a hook. He pulled the sheet and blanket back, and rolled naked into the center. Gar stared. Maybe he should change his mind.
“I said I’d be good and I meant it, but this is how I sleep.”
Hanging his towel next to Ryan’s, Gar glanced at the cotton pants he’d set out. Leaving them untouched, he shut the lights off and walked around the bed. Ryan snuggled over almost as soon as Gar pulled the covers up. Wrapping his arm around Ryan, he felt himself stir again.
“William Morgan,” he whispered.
Ryan rolled around until they were face to face. “What?”
“Will—William Morgan, that’s my real name.”
Gar could feel the smile etched onto Ryan’s face as he burrowed in closer. Tomorrow better be one hell of a productive day.
5
T HE first hint of dawn seeped into the room through the blinds he’d forgotten to close. Gar stirred slightly, his body alerting him to the start of a new day. Ryan snuggled back, his breathing slow and steady. Gar smiled at his sleeping
If he wasn’t going to reject him, he owed him a full explanation. Without any proof to support it, Gar was certain Ryan wouldn’t leave once he found out. Even with the risks being around Gar posed, Ryan would stay. For the same reasons Gar couldn’t turn him out, Ryan couldn’t leave.
Footsteps and the movement of the air alerted him before Ryan’s image appeared in the glass. He had a towel around his waist and had managed to tame his still-damp hair.
“Gar?”
“Yes?”
“Please don’t sleep on the couch.” Although a hint of desire caught in Ryan’s voice, the need to be accepted was louder.
Keeping his gaze fixed on the city lights, Gar steeled himself to decline the request. “Ryan….”
“Please?” The need in his voice forced Gar to turn.
Skinny, pale, and mostly smooth, with a patch of hair just above the waist, Ryan looked vulnerable in just his towel. It occurred to him that Ryan was worried that the moment had passed and Gar wouldn’t want someone who looked like him. If only he knew.
“Ryan, let me finish, please.” Gar waited until he received a tentative, sad nod. “Before we do anything, you need to know who and, more importantly, what I am. I can’t do that tonight. This isn’t a rejection. My reaction in the shower was genuine. I do want to be with you, and I do find you attractive. But we can’t be intimate tonight. Please accept that.”
Tears forming in his eyes, Ryan searched Gar’s face for something. When he looked away, Gar knew he had failed. For too long, he had renounced his feelings and expressing them to others. Tonight, when he needed to reassure, he failed.
No, he hadn’t failed, not yet. “Ryan….” Moving quickly, Gar took Ryan’s hand in his. “Don’t look away, please. If you give me a day, you have my word, if you still feel this way tomorrow, I won’t say no.”
“A day?”
Gar nodded, keeping his gaze locked on Ryan’s. “Tomorrow I’ll explain everything. After that… well, after that, you’ll have to let me know if the offer is still good.”
“Tomorrow,” Ryan repeated softly. “Okay, but will you at least hold me tonight? I’ll be good, but it’s been so long….”
He wanted to say no because that wasn’t much better. Sex wasn’t the problem; it was the emotional attachment. Attachment. That was the rub. Part of him was already attached. He just didn’t know when, how, or why.
“Okay,” he said.
A small smile appeared and continued to grow until Ryan looked about to burst.
But for his emotional detachment, something he practiced for more than three decades, Gar might be reacting the same way as Ryan. He didn’t understand what connected them, but whatever it was, he had a day to figure it out.
Ryan practically ran to the bathroom and tossed his towel over a hook. He pulled the sheet and blanket back, and rolled naked into the center. Gar stared. Maybe he should change his mind.
“I said I’d be good and I meant it, but this is how I sleep.”
Hanging his towel next to Ryan’s, Gar glanced at the cotton pants he’d set out. Leaving them untouched, he shut the lights off and walked around the bed. Ryan snuggled over almost as soon as Gar pulled the covers up. Wrapping his arm around Ryan, he felt himself stir again.
“William Morgan,” he whispered.
Ryan rolled around until they were face to face. “What?”
“Will—William Morgan, that’s my real name.”
Gar could feel the smile etched onto Ryan’s face as he burrowed in closer. Tomorrow better be one hell of a productive day.
5
T HE first hint of dawn seeped into the room through the blinds he’d forgotten to close. Gar stirred slightly, his body alerting him to the start of a new day. Ryan snuggled back, his breathing slow and steady. Gar smiled at his sleeping
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