Public Enemy Number Two Read Online Free PDF

off?” he asked. “I can’t get you off. The evidence against you is overwhelming. It’s rock solid. It’s massive!”
    “But I was framed.”
    “So was the old lady you attacked. A picture fell on her.” He mopped himself with the handkerchief. “All I can do is persuade the judge that, at heart, you’re a nice boy,” he said. He looked at me and wrinkled his nose. “Of course, that won’t be easy. But this is a first offense. Perhaps he’ll go easy on you.”
    “How easy?” I asked.
    Wilson shrugged. “Six months . . . ?”
    “Prison!” I stared at him. “I can’t go to prison! I’m innocent!”
    “Of course.” He sighed. “Until you’re proven guilty.”
    So Wilson set out to prove that, despite appearances, I was a nice boy. Unfortunately for me, he’d chosen the wrong witnesses. I knew this the moment I saw the first of them. It was my brother Tim.
    He’d dressed up in a suit for the occasion and I noticed he was wearing a black tie. Had he put it on by accident, or did he know something I didn’t? I could see that he was trembling like a leaf. Anyone would think he was on trial.
    The court bailiff handed him a Bible. Tim took it, nodded, and tried to put it in his pocket. The bailiff snatched it back. I thought there was going to be another fight, but then the judge explained that Tim was meant to use the Bible to take the oath. Tim blushed.
    “Sorry, Your Highness,” he muttered.
    The judge frowned. “You can address me as ‘Your Worship. ’”
    “Oh yes . . .” Tim was going to pieces and he hadn’t exactly been together to start with. “Sorry, Your Highship.”
    The bailiff moved forward and tried again.
    “I swear to tell the truth,” he said.
    “Do you?” Tim asked.
    “No—you do!” The bailiff closed his eyes.
    “Just repeat the words, Mr. Diamond.” The judge sighed.
    At last the oath was taken. Wilson got up and walked over to the witness box, moving like an old man. Tim smiled at him.
    “You are Herbert Timothy Diamond?” Wilson asked.
    “Am I?” Tim sounded astonished.
    “Are you Herbert Timothy Diamond?” the judge demanded.
    “Yes . . . yes, of course I am, Your Parsnip,” Tim said.
    Wilson took a deep breath. “Could you describe your brother for us?” he asked.
    “Well, he’s about five-foot-two, dark hair, quite thin . . .”
    Counsel for the defense shuddered and I thought he was going to have some sort of attack. His cheeks were pinched and his wig was crooked. “We know what he looks like, Mr. Diamond,” he whimpered. “We just want to know what sort of person he is.”
    Tim thought for a minute.
    “Answer the question,” the judge muttered.
    “Certainly, Your Cowslip,” Tim said. “Nick’s all right. I mean . . . for a kid brother. The one trouble is, he’s really untidy. He’s always leaving his books in the kitchen and—”
    “We are not interested in your kitchen!” Wilson groaned. He was fighting to keep his patience. But it was a losing battle. “What we want to know is, looking at him now, would you say he had it in him to brutally assault an old lady and steal a priceless jewel?”
    Tim gave me a big smile and nodded. “Oh yes. Absolutely!”
    Wilson was about to ask another question but now he stopped, his mouth wide open. “You can’t say that!” he squeaked. “He’s your brother!”
    “But you told me to tell the truth,” Tim protested. “The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”
    There was another uproar in the court. The judge banged his gavel. Tim had cooked my goose all right—feathers and all. After his testimony, the judge would throw the book at me. But that was nothing compared with what I planned to throw at Tim.
    Wilson sank back into his seat. “No more questions,” he said.
    “Does that mean I can leave the witless box?” Tim asked.
    Nobody stopped him. The trial was more or less over.
    The jury took forty-five seconds to reach its verdict. Guilty, of course. Then it was time