PSALM 44 Read Online Free PDF Page B

covered her mouth so she wouldn ’ t cry out, and then he pushed her, or actually placed her in the cabinet like she was an object and locked her in. But before he shut the door:
    “ That was Maks, ” he said. “ He shorted out the fuses. ”
    This happened several months ago. Actually more than half a year back. And that was the first time she ’ d heard of Maks.

Chapter 3
    She sat on Jakob ’ s bed with her legs crossed (blood running down her thighs and along her bottom) and she felt unequal to any new task.
    “ Jakob, something is going to happen, ” she said. “ I have a feeling that something is going to happen. ”
    And he asked, “ What could happen? ”
    “ I don ’ t know, ” she said. “ I just feel like something is going to happen. Maybe someone will find us here ” ; and then he said:
    “ Nobody ever comes into my room. Now what would they be looking for in my room? ”
    “ Still, Jakob, ” she said. “ I ’ m afraid. ”
    But she didn ’ t budge. All she did was say again: “ I have a feeling that something could happen, ” and at that moment she thought about how Aunt Lela had said that this was as important a thing in a woman ’ s life as giving birth, and she thought about the blood she was leaving on Jakob ’ s sheet and about his being a doctor and how he would know what was happening to her. Back then she should have asked Aunt Lela, Is it possible for it to happen and for the man not to notice anything?
    Then he said: “ Should I turn out the light? ” ; and she:
    “ No. Stay with me. ”
    “ If you ’ re afraid, ” he said. Then he stopped.
    “ I ’ m not, ” she said. “ Only you can ’ t take your hand away. ” Then more: “ I love looking at that lampshade. It ’ s been a year since I saw a lamp with a shade. ” And again: “ I have to go. It ’ s high time I left, ” but still she did nothing that would indicate she was leaving; made not a single movement that would show that she was leaving. She wasn ’ t capable of making such a motion, although she was no longer lying down (immediately afterward she had stood up and put on her underwear and her dress). Jakob sat at her right side, leaning against the steel frame of the bed. And she just sat there like that, feeling the blood fill up the impression they had made in the straw mattress with their combined weight.
    “ We ’ ve known each other for two months already, ” she said. “ I never could have imagined . . . ”
    “ Who could say, ” he said. “ To me it seems we ’ ve known each other for a very long time: for a long while before all this. ”
    “ Today ’ s it ’ s exactly eight weeks and a day, ” she said. “ And one night extra. Doesn ’ t that seem like a short time to you . . . ? ”
    “ To me it feels like we ’ ve known each other forever, ” he said. “ But never mind that now. This night isn ’ t over yet, ” and she still couldn ’ t move and she seemed to hear a noise in the corridor and all she could do was cling to him and whisper “ Jakob! ” and at that same time she realized that he was no longer at her side but somehow here and there by the door listening to the thumping of steps audible right outside, and she felt herself losing the ability to speak on account of fear, and before she could snap out of it and think This was perhaps my last night with Jakob, my first and last , before she was in a position to think or say or do anything definite, Jakob was already holding his cupped hand over her mouth. And she was already in the cabinet and realized that its doors were creaking behind her as they closed when she sensed Jakob ’ s face on hers and heard his breathless whisper: “ That ’ s Maks, ” and before she had time to be astonished or at least ask Maks who? she nearly simultaneously heard a key start to turn on the outside of the cabinet door and subsequently Jakob ’ s Ja, ja and his rapidly receding steps.
    Only then did she grasp why she hadn