Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls Read Online Free PDF

studies.”
    “Hiiyaaaa!”
    “Haaiieee!”
    “Hooyaaah!”
    “La!”
    “
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-IIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
”

__________________

CHAPTER 6
    THE SECOND DAY OF TRAINING began before dawn, with Mr. Bennet rousing everyone in the house by roaring “Novitiates, assemble!” over and over until everyone had hopped (or fallen) out of bed. The girls scrambled into their new sparring gowns and marched out to the dojo while their mother wailed about cracked windows and shattered nerves.
    After warming up his pupils with some standing and yelling practice, Mr. Bennet moved on to actual hitting and kicking, although the girls had yet to hit or kick anything more solid than air. Then came the weapons. And the accidents.
    Mary bloodied her nose with a quarterstaff. Kitty blackened her own eye with a pair of nunchucks and was inconsolable for a quarter hour. Lydia rebloodied Mary’s nose with a wooden practice sword.
    Only Elizabeth and Jane managed not to injure themselves (or Mary), yet their father was obviously unhappy with their limp grips and hesitant movements.
    “A warrior
thrusts
with the sword,” he barked at Jane. “You hold it out as if offering a guest a scone!”
    “But I’m afraid I’ll hurt someone.”
    “You
want
to hurt someone, child! Hurting someone is the whole point!”
    Jane looked dubious.
    Her father looked very, very troubled.
    When the time for scones actually arrived, Mr. Bennet had no appetitefor them or anything else on the breakfast table. Indeed, it was hard to see how anyone could eat with Mrs. Bennet fussing and flitting about as she was, clucking over this daughter’s bruise or that daughter’s scrape while continually haranguing her husband about his barbaric ways.
    “I no longer need worry that our children will end up starving in the poorhouse. Obviously, their own father will see to it they’re
beaten to death
long before that could happen!”
    Mr. Bennet toyed disconsolately with his toast, saying nothing.
    “Just look at them! Two days ago, they were proper young ladies. Now they look like escaped bedlamites!”
    “Mamma, please,” Elizabeth said.
    Mr. Bennet sighed and stirred his tea, though his teacup was empty.
    “You would throw away our respectability, our station, our prospects, because of a single unmentionable? I thank Heaven, then, that we only saw one. Two, and you’d have no doubt hurried home and burned Longbourn to the ground without waiting for ruin to overtake us!”
    Mr. Bennet hid himself behind a letter the footman had just brought in.
    “We may as well go lie down in the nearest cemetery and simply await our fate,” Mrs. Bennet went on. “With the estate entailed and no male heir, there is no hope for us. Oh, if only you were a boy, Mary, as you were once so often thought. But, alas, you are all quite irreversibly—”
    “Lord Lumpley is coming.”
    Mrs. Bennet whipped around to face her husband.
    “The baron?” she asked.
    “The baron.”
    “Is coming to Longbourn?”
    “Is coming to Longbourn.”
    “To pay a call?”
    “To pay a call.”
    “On us?”
    “On
me
. I sent a letter yesterday requesting an audience to discuss the incident with Mr. Ford, and Lord Lumpley has agreed, though he chose to pay a call here instead of summoning me to him.”
    “I wonder why he’d do that?” Lydia asked, and just in case anyone couldn’t tell the question was rhetorical, she winked and nodded at Jane and burst out laughing.
    “Oh, thank you, Mr. Bennet!” Mrs. Bennet cried, and she swooped down on her husband and delivered one kiss after another to his forehead and cheeks. “Sweet, patient Mr. Bennet! Wily, crafty Mr. Bennet! Luring the baron here when you know how smitten he is with Jane! Oh, sly, shrewd Mr.—!”
    “Enough!” cried flushed, flustered Mr. Bennet. “Lord Lumpley and I will be discussing unmentionables, not marriage!”
    But Mrs. Bennet wasn’t listening.
    “Hill! Hill?
MRS. HILL!
” she