Pleasuring the Lady (The Pleasure Wars) Read Online Free PDF Page B

times when she became wild.
    “I-I am as well as I can be,” her mother said, her voice soft and filled with regret and sorrow. “Potts tells me I ran away?”
    Portia shook her head. “Potts shouldn’t trouble you with such things. There was no harm done.”
    She looked at her mother’s scratched wrists and tried not to think of Potts’ words about the madhouse.  
    “Was your brother here?” her mother asked, voice filled with faint hope.
    Portia pushed from the chair and paced to her mother’s window. As she shoved the curtain aside, she flinched at the bars her brother had installed months ago.  
    “Yes,” she said simply. “Hammond dropped me off after the ball.”
    “I meant last night when I—I was struggling?” her mother said.
    Portia turned. Her mother’s green eyes, the ones she had not inherited but always wished were her own, were focused very intently on her daughter. In her moments of lucidity, Lady Thomasina could be quite astute.  
    “Yes, he was here,” she admitted. “As much good as he did.”
    Her mother sighed. “You are too hard on your brother, my love. He has struggled greatly since taking over as Marquis and having to clean up the messes your father left behind with his gambling. He may seem harsh, but he does his best.”
    Portia lifted her hand to cover the cheek her brother had struck the night before and tried to picture him “doing his best” without cruelty.  
    “That may be,” she admitted, the words bitter. There was no use telling her mother anything that might upset her. “I do my best, as well.”
    Her mother’s eyes went wide. “Of course you do, my love.” Thomasina reached for her, and Portia took her mother’s hand without hesitation. “I know you give everything for me, for your friends, for everyone but yourself. I only wish there was a reward I could offer you. I only wish I could see you having fun, experiencing some joy in your life.”
    Portia thought, all too long, about Miles. About his kiss at that dratted hall she never should have gone to. And she thought of him tonight as well.  
    He had said the same thing to her just a few hours before, that she needed to do something just for herself. Even Ava had proclaimed she needed wickedness in her life.
    It seemed everyone believed they knew better for her than she did for herself. And yet if any of them knew what she had done, where she had gone, what she had felt…they would have all been horrified.
    But she still wanted to do it again. To have one more night where she was with people who didn’t give a care for consequences. Where she could be a girl who didn’t exist. Where she could pretend to have nothing to lose.
    “Portia, where did you go?” her mother asked, laughter in her voice. “You are suddenly very far away.”
    Portia moved toward her and leaned down to kiss her smooth cheek.  
    “Not as far as it would seem, Mama.” She smiled. “Go to sleep, for you look very tired. Perhaps tomorrow we will be able to go for a walk in the park. A little fresh air might do us both some good. Remind us where we belong in this world.”
    Her mother nodded. “I would like that. Good night, my darling. Sleep well.”
    Portia smiled as she left the room, but she had no intention of sleeping. Not for a very long while, at least.
    She rang the bell for Potts and pulled a dress from her closet. When the housekeeper came to the door, she smiled.  
    “Potts, tell Copper to ready the carriage. I’m going out.”
    Potts gave her a strange look, but then nodded and slipped from the room, leaving Portia to prepare herself while she tried not to ponder the folly of her life and her choices.
     
     
    As she swept into the Donville Masquerade an hour later, Portia felt the heat of the room sink into her skin, beneath her gown and into the very pit of her stomach. At least the images around her were not as shocking this time since she was more prepared for them. She took them all in as she stared