Platonic Read Online Free PDF

me?”
    “What?”
    “Full relationship history,” Patrick days, “Go.”
    “What do you care? We’re just fuck-buddies.”
    “I’m putting the emphasis on the ‘buddies’ bit of it right now.”
    Mark works backwards, steeling himself because he knows he’s about to be laughed at for the brevity of the list, but forcing himself because he knows he shouldn’t be ashamed, even if he regrets almost all of it.
    Antonio was the last man he dated, two years ago during his senior year of college. It had lasted for all of five months before Mark recognized the complete absence of love in the relationship and ended it without so much as a restless night. The fact that Antonio had just shrugged it off and been out at the sleaziest bars the following week had only left Mark wondering why he’d let it go on as long as it had.
    Before that, it was Dale for two weeks in the fall because he had the bluest eyes and liked all the same music Mark did, loved leaving fingerprints on him and the imprint of teeth at the top of his spine. Mark had fallen fast and told Dale he wanted a real relationship, for them to be boyfriends with a future, after only a week of long, rambling dates and the very best sorts of sex. Dale had agreed, but five days later, a week before Mark turned twenty, he’d caught Dale in the dormitory showers with another guy.
    Before him was Jason. Mark met Jason two weeks into his freshman year at Stanford. They both liked to sit in the back of the room at the introductory poly-sci lectures and scratch continuous notes and doodles onto thick pads of paper. During one lecture, Mark caught Jason’s eye and smiled. At the next one, Jason sat down next to him and introduced himself and they shook hands.
    Two months later, new, mutual friends surrounded them, their classes seemed easy and campus life felt exhilarating. They held hands and went on dates and Mark was sure he was in love even if he never said it out loud. They kissed for hours but didn’t take it further until after Christmas, and when they did, it didn’t click the way Mark knew it could. The sex was awkward, unsatisfying and forced; they never laughed, and neither of them was prepared to talk about it.
    They fought about it once. In the end Mark cheated on Jason—an anonymous one-night stand, which he’d always thought he could never even want to have—because his skin ached with touch-starvation and his heart was confused. He felt awful for a month, and then Jason left him, citing ideological differences.
    All too quickly, Jason took up with a rich girl from Seattle. The whispers on campus eventually confirmed that they’d been hooking up for months.
    ***
    Mark sighs and Patrick turns farther in his seat to face him. “Are you pissed off because he ran off with a girl?”
    Sighing again, Mark works his hands tighter, rougher around the arch of Patrick’s foot. “No—”
    “So, because she’s rich?” Patrick asks.
    “No. Jesus. I’m pissed because I wasted nine months of my life.”
    “Okay, because we’re talking full disclosure: I absolutely sleep with any and all rich people, women included.” Patrick pauses, wriggles his toes and smirks. “At least you don’t have to worry about me cheating on you, because this is never gonna be an exclusive thing.”
    Mark stares at him. “That’s…” Part of him wants to punch Patrick in the arm, hard. “The thing with Jason upset me because I was under the impression we were taking it seriously.”
    “To be fair, you were under that impression with me.”
    Mark just glowers until Patrick laughs and backs off. “So before Jason was just high school in Illinois?” Mark nods and doesn’t elaborate even though there’s a tightness in his belly, a scratch of the real story at the back of his throat. He’s already sunk into a bad mood and he expects Patrick to probe at him anyway. And wanting to tell this particular story is new, the inclination not entirely welcome.
    “And you