Pencil of Doom! Read Online Free PDF Page B

half.
    â€˜Good for you, Jenny!’ said Mr Brainfright, holding one end of the box open for her. ‘Just wriggle in here and relax.’
    Gretel and I looked at each other, alarmed.
    Jenny hadn’t drawn anybody getting cut in half, but given what had happened to us and Jack, we didn’t like to see her take such an unnecessary risk.
    â€˜No!’ I said. ‘Don’t do it!’
    â€˜Why not?’ said Jenny.
    â€˜It’s dangerous!’
    â€˜No it’s not,’ said Mr Brainfright. ‘Well, maybe just a little, but that’s all part of the fun. You can’t make an omelette without cracking a few eggs! Are you comfortable, Jenny?’
    â€˜Yes,’ said Jenny. ‘It’s quite relaxing.’
    â€˜Can you wiggle your legs?’
    â€˜I think so,’ she said, and her feet, which were sticking out the other end of the box, wiggled.
    â€˜Excellent!’ said Mr Brainfright. Then he turned to the class. ‘Now, the first thing you need to know about cutting somebody in half is that you need to make sure your saw is sharp.’ He touched one of the teeth on his saw. ‘Ouch! Are you ready, Jenny?’
    Jenny nodded enthusiastically.
    Mr Brainfright placed the saw on the top of the box and began to saw.
    And saw.
    And saw.
    And saw.
    We were all on the edge of our seats.
    Then we were on the edge of the edge of our seats.
    Then we were on the edge of the edge of the edge of our seats.
    â€˜I’m scared!’ cried Newton.
    â€˜Don’t be,’ said Jenny. ‘I’m not scared, and it doesn’t hurt a bit!’
    Finally, incredibly, Mr Brainfright sawed right through the box.
    Jenny was still smiling.
    Even more miraculously, she was still smiling when Mr Brainfright dramatically pushed the halves of the box apart, sending the top half of her body one way, and her legs—still kicking—the other way.
    â€˜Voila!’ said Mr Brainfright.
    â€˜Will we be tested on this?’ asked Fiona.

24
Some very bad news

    Before Mr Brainfright could answer Fiona, the classroom PA speaker crackled into life.
    â€˜Attention, crew,’ said the voice of Principal Greenbeard, ‘I have some news of a dire nature to impart. Batten down the hatches. I repeat, batten down the hatches.’
    Now, before I go on, what you should know about Principal Greenbeard is that he loves ships and sailing. And when I say he loves ships and sailing, I mean he
really
loves ships and sailing.
    In fact, he loves ships and sailing so much that he acts as if the school is one huge ship, that all the teachers and students are sailors, and that he, of course, is the captain.
    It’s important that you know this, otherwise you might think he is a bit crazy.
    Well, obviously, he is a
bit
crazy, but he isn’t
all
crazy. He’s just crazy about anything to do with ships and sailing.
    And when he says
batten down the hatches
, that means trouble.
    Principal Greenbeard continued to speak. ‘Now I don’t wish to alarm you,’ he said, ‘but we’ve just been notified that a circus lion has escaped and there have been several sightings that indicate the lion is heading in our direction at an alarming rate of knots. I would just like to warn all crew members to stay inside and keep all cabin doors and portholes fully secured. I repeat, batten down all hatches until further notice. Thank you all, and please remember that it’s very important that we do not panic.’
    The PA speaker fell silent.
    People started panicking.
    Some students screamed.
    Some students jumped up on their chairs.
    Some students screamed
and
jumped up on their chairs.
    But nobody screamed louder than Newton. ‘Aaaaggghhh!’ he wailed. ‘I’m scared of lions!’
    â€˜You’re not the only one,’ said Gretel. ‘We’re
all
scared of lions!’
    â€˜No, you don’t understand!’ said Newton. ‘On my top ten list