Richie. It made me damn proud to see Xavier going straight through college in the manner in which he wasâthat was with no interruptions at all.
âYo, we gots to get paid this summer!â Latiefe said as we talked on that early morning. âIâm talking about big time loot! No nickel and dime nonsense! Yâall see how every week those chickenheads be sweating those punk niggas just âcause they got dough? Every week itâs the same thing. And if itâs not at the Apollo, then itâs somewhere else, but all Iâm sayinâ is the only thing that them cats be having over us is the fact that they have more chips than we do, and thatâs why they be flossinâ and we donât.â
âWord,â Randy replied, âand half those cars out there are from drug money. You know cats ainât working nine to fives in order to pay for those rides. You canât! How the hell is a twenty-year-old gonna be driving a 500SL? What job is paying dough like that?â
âThatâs exactly what Iâm saying,â Tee continued. âYo, weâre gonna be out there soon. Real soon! This summer we ainât gonna be poor, broke, and pitiful, nah, not like last summer. We ainât gonna be sitting around looking at each other and pulling our penises. To hell with that! Weâre getting paid this summer. Watch! Ninety-one is gonna be the summer we really have fun.â
By now it was nearing five in the morning. The sun was rising. I was tired, as was everyone else. I was ready to put my head on my pillow and be out.
âYo, Iâm outta here,â I informed the crew.
âSo, Holz, whatâs up?â Latiefe asked before I departed. âYou witâ it, or what? You wanna get paid?â
âNo doubt,â I responded, âYou know Iâm witâ it, kid.â
âAâight, bet, then we have to really discuss this. We have to sit down and map everything out. I know we gotta get some sleep, but before this week is over we have to talk and we gotta get started. Every year we talk all of this and all of that about how we should do this, that, and the third, and so on, and whatever, and itâs always just talk! But thatâs over with. Iâm dead up serious!â
âAll right, bet,â we all replied as we gave each other pounds and departed on our separate ways to our beds.
As I lay in my bed that morning just staring into space, I thought about all of the cars and women that Iâd seen uptown. It was just the beginning of the summer, so thatâs probably why there was such an abundance of heads out that night.
Man, nothing but fly cars , I thought.
The drug game scared me a little. Honestly, I didnât think I had the heart for it. I was intrigued by the profit potential, and I knew for a fact that it could bring me all of the material things that I wanted, but maybe it was a dead end. Most of the time it was either a cell or a grave. In the past, the crew discussed the idea of selling drugs, but fortunately all that it had ever amounted to was talk. Now, though, for some strange reasonâmaybe it was the fear that I was sensingâbut I could sense that our desires for material things were about to lead us beyond just the conversations of illegal ways of getting paid.
I couldnât have a conscience. I just had to be down for whateva.
I stared at the wall in my room for a little while longer. All sorts of crazy chaotic thoughts filled my head and raced back and forth in my mind. Thoughts of fear mixed with thoughts of wanting to be down. I knew that even if I was scared that I couldnât front and still be considered a down ass nigga. And I knew that if I went through with everything that a big part of me wouldnât really be staying true to who I was. I had told Latiefe that I was witâ it but I knew that I really wasnât. I got up out of my bed and I rammed my fist into my bedroom wall. I