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conventional caution, the fear of offending those
in authority in the state, bad so far prevailed. No change had been
sanctioned. Now, Walter, one of the crusading trio, v, as dead.
A resurgence of his grief swept over Nim. Earlier, he had held back
tears. Now, in the privacy of the moving car, be let them come; twin
rivulets coursed down his face. With anguish he wished be could do
20
something for Walter, even an intangible act like praying. He tried to re-
call the Mourner's Kaddish, the Jewish prayer he had heard occasionally
at services for the dead, said traditionally by the closest male relative
and in the presence of ten Jewish men. Nim's lips moved silently,
stumbling over the ancient Aramaic words. Yisgadal veyiskadash sh'may
rabbo be'olmo deevro chiroosey ve'yamlich malchoosey . . . He stopped, the
remainder of the prayer eluding him, even while realizing that to pray at
all was, for him, illogical.
There had been moments in his life-tbis was one-wben Nim sensed instincts
deep with him yearning for religious faith, for identification,
personally, with his heritage. But religion, or at least the practice of
it, was a closed door, It was slammed shut before Nim's birth by his
father, Isaac Goldman, who came to America from Eastern Europe as a
young, penniless immigrant and ardent socialist. The son of a rabbi,
Isaac found socialism and Judaism incompatible. He thereupon rejected the
religion of his forebears, leaving his own parents heartbroken. Even now,
old Isaac, at eighty-two, still mocked the basic tenets of Jewish faith,
describing them as "banal chitchat between God and Abraham, and the
fatuous fairy tale of a chosen people."
Nim had grown up accepting his father's choice. The festival of Passover
and the High Holy Days-Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur-passed unobserved bN,
the Goldman family and now, as an outcropping of Isaac's personal
rebellion, a third generation-Nim's own children Leah and Benjy-were
removed from Jewish heritage and identity. No bar mitzvah for Benly had
been planned, an omission which o~casionally troubled Nim and prompted
the question: Despite decisions be had made about himself, did he have
the right to separate his children from five thousand years of Jewish
history? It was not too late, be knew, but so far Nim had not resolved
the issue.
As he thought of his family, Nim realized he had neglected to call Ruth
to tell her be would not be home until late. He reached for the mobile
phone to his right below the instrument panel-a convenience which GSP &
L supplied and paid for. An operator answered and lie gave her his home
number. Moments later he beard a ringing tone, then a small voice.
"Goldman residence, Bcnjy Goldman speaking." Nim smiled. That was Benjy
all right-even at ten, precise and systematized, in contrast to his
sister Leah, four years older, perenniallv disorganized and who answered
phones with a casual, "Hi!"
"It's Dad," Nim said. "I'm on mobile." He had taught the family to wait
when they heard that because on a radio-telephone conversations couldn't
overlap. He added, "Is everything all right at home?"
"Yes, Dad, it is now. But the electricity went off." Benjy gave a little
chuckle. "I guess you knew. And, Dad, I reset all the clocks."
"That's good, and yes, I knew. Let me talk to your mother."
"Leab wants . . ."
21
Nim heard a scuffling, then the voice of his daughter. "Hi! We watched the
TV news. You weren't on." Leah sounded accusing. The children had become
used to seeing Nim on television as spokesman for GSP & L. Perhaps Nim's
absence from the screen today would lower Leah's status among her friends.
"Sorry about that, Leah. There were too many other things happening. May I
talk to your mother?"
Another pause. Then, "Nim?" Ruth's soft voice.
He pressed the push-to-talk bar. "That's who it is. And getting to talk to
you is like elbowing through a crowd."
While talking, be changed freeway lanes,