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through and looked at each of us
carefully. Every time he walked past and looked into my eyes I felt
like he was staring straight into my soul but he never said
anything to me.
    Every inspection he would choose
somewhere between two and five girls for some kind of private
meeting. They would never speak about those meetings afterwards but
they always looked kind of preoccupied and after a few weeks almost
all of them would drop out of the course, even girls I knew were
doing really well and had wanted to be nuns with all their hearts.
Our numbers never dwindled though as almost every girl that dropped
out seemed to be replaced, some by girls that were apparently
returning to the course after some kind of leave of absence, some
by girls that were coming to the course for the first time.
    Because of the dropouts that
occurred after the meetings I guessed that he only chose those
girls who he thought were not cut out to be nuns and had a serious
talk with them. He was such a perceptive man of God that I
convinced myself he was even able to see the doubt in those girls I
thought wanted to be nuns so bad, which is why they ended up
leaving. I was so sure of my path in life that I didn’t think he
would ever choose me during one of his inspections, so it came as a
huge shock when he did.
    I stared straight ahead as usual
while I stood at the foot of my bed listening to his heavy
footsteps echoing in the dorm room, pausing by each girl before
moving on. Once again, as he had been countless times before, he
halted in front of me and stared into my soul but this time he said
my name.
    “Tania Callaghan.”
    I had no choice but to join the
two girls and the two nuns already following him on this particular
inspection, pausing by each of the other girls until at last he was
finished, without selecting anybody else. Wordlessly we all
followed Father Hanson to the small waiting room outside his
office. We three girls were told to wait there until we were called
in, the nuns followed Father Hanson.
    I sat there panicking as I
waited, wondering what could be said in these meetings that caused
every single girl to drop out of the course. I was crestfallen, I
wanted to be a nun so much and also there was the shame of telling
my parents how I couldn’t make it. I was almost in tears and so
lost in my own thoughts that the nun had to call my name several
times before I realised I was being spoken to. With a last glance
at the other two girls, who looked as anxious as I felt, I stood
and walked through the door to Father Hanson’s office.
    Father Hanson was sitting behind
his desk and when he saw me he favoured me with one of his warm
smiles, immediately helping to put my nerves at ease.
    “Ah, Tania, I’ve been looking
forward to meeting with you.” he said.
    “Er... you have?” I replied,
somewhat confused.
    “Yes, of course. You sound
surprised by that.”
    “Well... it’s just that I
thought you only met with girls who weren’t cut out to be nuns,
they always seem to drop out after you meet with them.”
    “I see, and you think you’ve got
what it takes to follow the path of God no matter where it may
lead?”
    “Yes, Father, I love God!” I
blurted out, then blushed, realising how corny I sounded.
    Father Hanson leaned back in his
chair, tented his fingers together and studied me quietly. I felt
even more blood rush to my face as my blush deepened. Finally he
spoke again.
    “You know, Tania, I’m not so
sure your heart is really in it. I’m told you spend several hours
every day in the swimming pool, training hard as if you wanted your
life to go somewhere else, as if you were, quite literally,
swimming away from life as a nun.”
    “No! That’s not it at all! I...
I’ll quit swimming and concentrate more on my studies, I promise!”
I felt my panic returning in full force, I was sure he was going to
ask me to leave and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes
already.
    Father Hanson stood and slowly
walked around the