One Hundred Twenty-One Days Read Online Free PDF

others, with their bandaged heads, tried to escape theracket. “Because,” Robert replied, “if there is a February 29th, it’s because 1916 is divisible by 4, so divide it, divide it!” he had shouted.
    Today, while I was changing his dressings, my patient took out a photo of himself from under his blanket. “That’s how I was before. No one will want me now,” he said—him, too. I told him as gently as I could that he must not say that.
    I prayed for God to give me the strength to understand my feelings more clearly.
    March 2
    I looked at Jesus on the cross above my bed. He is wounded, too. I took His cross in my hands. I looked at His unfortunate face and He drank my tears.
    March 3, 1917
    I told Mama that Christian asked if I would agree to marry him.
    I don’t dare think back on the mean things Thérèse uttered. And yet, I will. She said he wants to marry me because we’re rich and we have relatives in high places, and besides, I’m not even pretty. And she also said I agreed because I want to show everyone I’m capable of sacrifice, so that, along with my angelic airs, I would appear patriotic. Mama was angry and made Thérèse be quiet while saying I have beautiful blue eyes and “la beauté du diable” (the beauty of youth), and as for Thérèse, who thinks she’s so pretty, we’ll see how she looks at age thirty after having a few children, if someone still wants her in spite of her meanness.
    Mama trusts my opinion.
    On my table, a moonbeam lights up the white statue.
    Our Lady of Lourdes, please help me.
    March 5, 1917
    I spoke to him. He asked the hospital for leave so that he can come see Mama and make his request. His father is much too far away for this to be done by the rules.
    I will be Madame Christian Mortsauf.
    April 2, 1917
    We have set the date, June 23, a Saturday. It will be at Saint-Philippe-du-Roule, our parish, and Father de La Martinière will marry us. Then we will leave for our “honeymoon” at our house in Normandy.
    Today, the cherry trees there must be in blossom.
    His parents won’t be able to come. Not only is it too far, but, with the Krauts’ submarines ready to torpedo any innocent ships that pass, it would be too dangerous. Jean-Baptiste, his younger brother, will get leave to come. He and Cousin Paul will be Christian’s groomsmen. Major de Brisson and Thérèse will be my bridesmaids. Grandfather will walk me down the aisle.
    You will be there in the church, Mary, full of grace, and you will support me with your love.
    I would have loved a simple ceremony, but Father de La Martinière and Major de Brisson insisted, because of the symbol it will be: Christian will represent all of his comrades lost in combat and will wear the full uniform of the École Polytechnique, with the medals for the Croix de Guerre and the Légion d’Honneur. He was fitted for a mask in black taffeta, which hides the scars andreproduces the shape of his nose. That way he can go without the bandages and wear the cocked hat—I hope the red lock of hair will show from underneath. Cousin Paul, although he is still in full mourning, will wear the green uniform of the French Academy. This means I had to go and be fitted for a dress that is far more complicated than what I would have wanted. I cried when I saw myself in the dressmaker’s mirror. Is this really me? I feel more myself in my canvas blouse. At least the veil reminds me of my nurse’s uniform.
    Mama is busy doing up the apartment on Rue d’Artois, where we will live.
    He is different, too. His family isn’t from the same background as ours. But Cousin Paul says his career looks very promising, and his family is far away.
    Besides, Papa would have been happy to know I’m marrying a young man with such a bright future, who is a good Catholic and a polytechnician.

CHAPTER III
    One Polytechnician, Three Murders, Twenty-Two Articles
    (1917-1939)
    A POLYTECHNICIAN MURDERS HIS ENTIRE FAMILY
    (Le Petit Parisien, June 25,