Of Love and Evil Read Online Free PDF

table nearest us, Malchiah and my guardian angel. They sat still as a painting, regarding me just as figures in paintings often do, from the serene corners of their eyes.
    I swallowed. I felt a rising desire. I didn’t want them to know this.
    At the door of her suite, she lingered. Toby had hurried off proudly to his
own
room, where he wanted to take his
own
shower.
    Somewhere in the shadows of the veranda, those two were there. I knew it. I’d seen them when we came along the walkway. She didn’t know. Maybe they weren’t visible to her.
    I stood silently, not daring to move closer to her, or to touch her arms, or to bend down for the smallest kiss. I was miserable with desire. I was in agony.
    Is it possible for you two to understand this, that when I take this lady in my arms, she expects more from me than a brotherly embrace? Damn it, it’s the gentlemanly thing to do, if only to give her the chance to say no to me!
    Silence.
    Maybe I could persuade you to go look out for somebody else for a while?
    I distinctly heard the sound of laughter. It wasn’t mean or derisive, but it was laughter.
    I kissed her quickly, on her cheek, and went back towards my room. I knew she was disappointed. I was disappointed. Hell, I was furious. I turned around and leaned against thedoor of the Amistad Suite. Of course they were seated at the round table. Malchiah had the same serene and loving expression he always wore, but my guardian angel was anxious, if that was the right word, and he looked at me as if he were slightly afraid for me.
    A torrent of angry words came to my lips, but the pair of them were gone just that quickly.
    About 11:00 p.m., I got out of bed and went out on the veranda. I hadn’t slept at all.
    It was damp and cold, as it often was at night in California, even when the day has been mild. I deliberately let myself get miserably cold. I contemplated knocking on her door. I prayed. I worried. I watched. If I’d ever wanted anything more than I wanted her now, I couldn’t remember it. I simply wanted her. Nothing in this world seemed more real than her body, inside that suite, lying in that bed.
    I was suddenly ashamed. From the first moment I’d spoken to her on the phone, I’d imagined her in my arms and I knew it. Who was I kidding with all this, about her expecting things, and me being a gentleman, and, ah, the loftiness of love and being reunited and all of that. I wanted to kiss her and to have her. And why not, and was it right that I be tortured like this? Hell, I loved her. I had no doubt in my heart of hearts that I loved her. I could love her until the day I died. I didn’t care what that meant, I was ready for it, all of it.
    I was about to go back into my room, when I saw Malchiah standing nearby.
    “Yes, what!” I demanded angrily.
    This clearly startled him but he recovered immediately. I thought I saw a flicker of disappointment in his face. But he only smiled when he spoke. His voice was as always caressing, filled with a careful tenderness that made his words penetrate.
    “Other humans would give almost anything to see theproofs of Providence that you’ve seen,” he said. “But you’re still human.”
    “What would you know about that?” I asked. “And what makes you think I don’t know all about it?”
    “You don’t mean what you say,” he said soothingly. He sounded very convincing.
    “You may have been watching humans since the dawn of time,” I said, “but that doesn’t mean you know what it’s like to be one.”
    He didn’t answer. His loving and patient expression made me furious.
    “Are you going to be with me forever, till the day I give up the ghost?” I asked. “Will I never be alone again with a woman without you two being there, you and that guardian angel? That is what he is, right? My guardian angel? What’s his name? Are you two going to be hovering over me forever?” I turned and jabbed my finger at him as if it were the barrel of a gun. “I’m a