Nobody Gets The Girl Read Online Free PDF Page B

door as Dr. Knowbokov
approached.
    "Thank you, Mindo," the doctor said. He
paused, and motioned for Richard to enter. "We have a guest. An
invisible man."
    Mindo nodded, but said nothing.
    Dr. Knowbokov followed Richard into the
limousine. Richard slid across the soft leather seats, whistling as
he looked around at the trappings of wealth.
    "Theoretical physics must pay better than I
thought," said Richard.
    "I've lived a fortunate life," said Dr.
Knowbokov.
    "This thing have a bar?" asked Richard. "I
could really use a drink."
    "Of course," said the doctor. "Bar,
open."
    With a whir, a minibar unfolded out of the
wall separating the passenger compartment from the driver's cab.
Richard quickly accessed the contents. Every kind of juice he could
think of (and some blends he'd never imagined, like
kiwi-tomato-carrot), four different kinds of bottled water, and not
a drop of booze.
    "You wouldn't be Southern Baptist by any
chance?" asked Richard.
    "No. Why do you ask?"
    "Not important," he said, deciding to sample
the banana-celery-cranberry. "You say you're responsible for my
condition. How? What's happened to me?"
    "It won't be easy to explain," said Dr.
Knowbokov.
    "Try me."
    "Two days ago, I made the maiden voyage with
my time machine, and—"
    "Stop," said Richard.
    The doctor stopped, smiling gently.
    "Try again. You can't expect me to believe
any story that starts with a time machine."
    "Very well," said Dr. Knowbokov. "And what,
pray tell, would you accept as a reasonable explanation for your
condition?"
    Richard sipped on the juice. It was hideous.
He took another sip, imagining it mixed with vodka. He could get
used to it.
    "OK," he said. "I'll play along. Time
machine."
    "I built my time machine purely for research.
I never intended to interfere with the past. I experimented
carefully. My intention was to travel back to a point just after
the creation of the universe to search for my enemy before he had
time to conceal himself."
    "Your enemy," said Richard. "At the creation
of the universe. Is God really pissed off at you or something?"
    "I was looking for the terrorist known as Rex
Monday. But this detail is unimportant," said Dr. Knowbokov. "A
detail that matters, however, is that my time machine causes a
rapid displacement of air when it's used. It makes, if I may be
crude, a sound rather like a loud fart."
    Richard stared at the doctor, expecting him
to crack a smile. The doctor continued.
    "I traveled to July 4, 1968. I chose a
remote, rural location to minimize the chance of interacting with
people of that time. Unfortunately, a man named William Rogers was
out hiking that day, less than two hundred yards from the location
I materialized in."
    "My father," said Richard.
    "Not at that time. I sensed him instantly. I
knew he’d heard the noise that accompanied my arrival and was
curious about it. He began to walk in my direction. Due to the
roughness of the terrain, I still had several minutes. I conducted
the search for the man I sought. I failed to find him. I left, with
time to spare before William would have seen me."
    "Hmm," said Richard. The insanity theory was
rising high on his list of explanations again. "Didn't even see
you, huh?"
    "Still, his search for the source of the
sound he had heard delayed him. He returned to his car twelve
minutes later than he would have had I not made my trip."
    "And this is responsible for my present
condition how?"
    Dr. Knowbokov shifted in his seat, looking
slightly uncomfortable. With a deep breath, he continued. "Your
father visited a pharmacy that evening. He purchased a package of
prophylactics. A different package than the one he would have
purchased had he arrived twelve minutes earlier. And, in this
package, all the prophylactics functioned properly."
    "What are you saying?"
    "You were conceived as a result of a ruptured
condom. With my visit to the past, I erased the time line in which
you existed. You were never born."
    "Uh-huh. Right." Richard took another sip