No Sex in the City Read Online Free PDF Page B

with us from India for the last four months? Well, I’m slowly losing my mind. My dad wants to appear all strict and in control in front of them. Thank God they’re leaving in a week.’
    ‘Your dad’s always been strict, though,’ Ruby says.
    ‘Yeah, but he’s going overboard. And what makes it so frustrating is that my aunt and uncle left my cousin, who’s a year younger than me, back home in India, where I know for a fact she’s partying hard and having the time of her life while my dad’s imposing curfews on me simply because my aunt and uncle are here.’
    I pat her hand in solidarity. ‘Don’t worry, Nirvana. You’re not the only one old enough to own her own property and conceive a baby but who still has to argue with her parents about late nights out.’
    ‘Your parents have mellowed a lot,’ Nirvana says. ‘Remember uni?’
    Lisa grins. ‘She had to be home before midnight.’
    ‘Ahh, yes. The Cinderella rule.’ I laugh. ‘Please don’t remind me. Although, when I think about it now, Dad was such a softie. I’ll always be in pigtails with plasters on my knees as far as he’s concerned. If I ever do get married and have kids, he’ll put it down to an immaculate conception. Do you know he came along with me to orientation day because he was so worried I’d get lost on campus?’
    ‘I’ll make enquiries into a counsellor for you tomorrow,’ Lisa quips.
    ‘Excuse me,’ Ruby cries, animated. ‘I have a horror story of my own!’
    We turn our attention to Ruby.
    ‘Two weeks ago I’m at church, dressed to kill of course, and sure enough I catch the attention of a guy whose looks can only be described as close to perfect. He gets my number through the usual grapevine and gives me a call. Given the horrors of my past blind-date experiences, I invite my cousin and her husband and make it a double date.’
    I squeeze my eyes shut. ‘This is going to end badly, right?’
    ‘In flames,’ she says. ‘So we agree to meet at a café in the Rocks. Balmy night, postcard Sydney, with the Harbour Bridge and Opera House close by. Sets the mood nicely. Of course, Kat being Kat insists on leaving two hours early because she can’t handle the stress of parallel parking and wants to find a spot in the car park. So we get to the restaurant early. At about five minutes to eight, the time we agreed to meet, Kat suggests I wait in the toilets: that way when he arrives I can walk in.’
    Nirvana interrupts then to summarise what is obvious to all of us given our collective expertise in blind dates. ‘Walking in’ serves the dual purpose of a) showing off one’s figure, and b) avoiding the uncool situation of a girl waiting for a guy. There are some things the feminist movement just can’t change.
    Ruby becomes more animated as she speaks. ‘So Kat sends me a text message at five past eight. It says:
They’re here. Jesus Christ.
Now what the hell am I supposed to think about that? I’m standing in the middle of the bathroom wondering who
they
are and why Kat is cursing. Is it
Jesus Christ he’s hot
? or
Jesus Christ he’s wearing suspenders and lipstick
?’
    ‘So what happened?’ Lisa cries.
    ‘Married?’
    ‘With children?’
    ‘Gay?’
    ‘With puppies?’
    ‘Mum,’ she answers.
    ‘Huh?’
    ‘He brought his mum along.’
    We look at her blankly and then collectively scream. The people at the surrounding tables look at us as though we’re uncivilised toddlers.
    Ruby sits back and flashes us a triumphant look. ‘Can anybody beat that? I don’t think so.’
    ‘He brought his mum?’ I repeat.
    ‘Yes. Hot Stuff’s mum had fluffed her short curly hair out and was clearly wearing her best outfit. She ordered a herbal tea, as it was too late for caffeine, and a banana and walnut crépe which she shared with her son. She asked me all sorts of highly relevant questions such as what law I practised, whether I liked children, what car I drove and how often I attended church. Then she patted Hot