My Life Across the Table Read Online Free PDF

on the line, “Karen?”
I took a deep breath, “Are you okay?”
He could hardly form the words, “I’m fine Karen, but this is just unbelievable, Steve is dead.”
I was sad for his loss, but deeply grateful. Though clearly upset, at least he was still alive. Cautiously, I probed further, “Can you tell me what happened, or would you rather not talk about it?”
Softly, Al continued, “No, I haven’t even been to bed yet, but I need to tell you.”
The grief was evident in his voice, “We just went to meet some friends last night for dinner, like we’ve done a hundred times. You know the place, Karen, O’BRIEN’s on Ventura Boulevard. We had such a great time. A few drinks some laughs; it all seemed so normal.”
His disbelief enveloped every word, “I couldn’t stop looking at him, Karen, I mean all through dinner, I just kept looking at him. He seemed so happy, and I know I keep saying this, but everything seemed so normal. We went out to the parking lot, joking around saying our good-byes. His car was right behind me. It’s so weird. He was just there, waving at me! I mean we were waving to each other as I pulled across Ventura Boulevard, I made a left, stopped at the light and…and Steve pulled out and made a right.”
His voice rose as the anguished words poured out, “I was still stopped at the light when I heard it! I swear, Karen, it couldn’t have been ten seconds! I couldn’t believe it! He hit seven parked cars!! Seven!!” and wrapped his car around a telephone poll! He was dead before I even got to him.”
I felt terrible for my dear friend, “I am so sorry, Sweetheart. He seemed like a lovely guy, and I know you were good friends.”
Loss brings out many emotions in people, especially when the loss is someone we care deeply for.
With Steve’s sudden death only a few hours earlier, it triggered an avalanche of misplaced anger, and blame in Al, “Obviously not that close! I mean now I know! I know that you saved my life, but how could I not have known he was an alcoholic?! I should have known that, Karen! I can’t believe that no one knew! Why didn’t I know that?”
Spent from the pain, his words softened, now searching for an answer, “Couldn’t you have told him, Karen? Couldn’t you have changed it?”
Unfortunately, I intimately knew this grief. I have lost so many people that I have loved in my life, but I know with certainty, and beyond a shadow of a doubt, they are always with me, and I am never alone.
This was a deeply painful and all too familiar emotion in my life. Though I had told him that Steve was leaving, I could not tell Steve. I needed to help him understand why, and help him see Steve’s life, and death, through my eyes.
Helping someone find peace over the loss of a loved one is never easy, “Al, you know that you are very precious to me, and I know that your intention was for Steve to have a reading, but please try to understand. God’s purpose of you being brought to me on that particular day was not for Steve. It was for you.”
Again, I hoped that he could hear me, “I was given that information to protect you, and Al, I’m deeply sorry that I couldn’t save Steve. I’m not God, remember? I just work here.”
I could feel the pain washing over him, “I wish there was a nice way to say this to you, but Steve was an alcoholic, and had been an alcoholic for many years. He could have changed his life at any time, yet he chose not to. By the time you brought him to see me, Steve didn’t have a future. And as hard as this is to hear that was his destiny, not yours .”
He sobbed openly now, as I continued softly, “Telling him what I saw would not have changed a thing. Please, try to understand. This was God’s plan for Steve, not mine. He was going to die last night regardless of what anybody said to him, or did. You just weren’t supposed to go with him.”
Without question, I knew the purpose of them coming to the bakery, and it wasn’t to give Steve a