My Dog Doesn't Like Me Read Online Free PDF Page B

Ugly does. I’m seriously wondering if I should tell my family to give Ugly away.

Chapter Ten
    â€˜T he compost and fish heads would have definitely made the farting worse,’ said Milly.
    It was lunchtime the next day. Hugh, Milly and I were under our pepper tree again. I’d been telling them about the night before and what Gretchen now called the ‘Emergency Evacuation’.
    â€˜How come fish heads make it worse?’ asked Hugh.
    â€˜A completely meat diet added to stinky fish heads and old food scraps makes the foulest stink in the universe,’ said Milly.
    â€˜I wonder if a vegetarian fart would smell better?’ I said.
    â€˜Probably,’ said Milly. ‘My uncle is a vegetarian. He says meat takes longer to digest. It rots in your body.’
    â€˜Anyway, the bone-chucking method is now definitely ruled out,’ I said.
    Milly crossed bone-chucking off our list. ‘Okay, don’t give up hope, Ec. We’ve still got hypnosis.’
    â€˜Hypnosis is where you put someone to sleep and then talk them into believing what you want, isn’t it?’ I asked.
    â€˜Something like that,’ said Milly.
    â€˜It’s all about controlling the mind,’ said Hugh. ‘I heard my big sister talking about it. The most successful people on earth have mind control over themselves and other people.’
    â€˜And dogs?’ I asked.
    â€˜Why not?’ said Hugh.
    â€˜How do you reckon you control a dog’s mind?’ I asked.
    â€˜Same as with a person. You get them relaxed and concentrating, and then you make positive suggestions to them. Deep, deep down the person is listening and believing. Like you might say to someone who’s a smoker, Your lungs are black and disgusting and you’ll probably die by coughing up blood, so you’d better give up smoking and start exercising , and then they go and do what you say. With Ugly, you’d probably say, Obey me. Obey me. I’m your lord and master. ’
    â€˜But how exactly do you relax the person and make her concentrate?’
    â€˜Well, a well-known way is to use a man’s pocket watch. Do you know what that is?’
    I did know. Grandad had inherited his dad’s pocket watch. He kept it in his bedside table. On special occasions, he would let me hold it. It was the size of a large, round sink plug, made out of shiny silver with fancy patterns carved into it. A long silver chain was attached to the little knob on the top. If you wanted to know the time, you just pressed the little knob and the shiny front would click open. Under the cover was a clock. In the olden days, a man kept his watch in his waistcoat pocket, and the long chain would be attached to a button so he didn’t lose his precious watch.
    I loved being allowed to touch my great-­ grandfather’s pocket watch, but it didn’t make sense how such an old-fashioned thing would be used to hypnotise someone.
    â€˜Do you make someone listen to the ticking?’ asked Milly.
    â€˜No,’ said Hugh. ‘You hold the chain and swing the watch sideways, back and forth, back and forth, in front of the person’s face. You tell them to concentrate and you speak to them really calmly. You just do the same thing to Ugly. Easy as pie.’
    â€˜Why is pie easy?’ Milly asked.
    â€˜Darned if know,’ replied Hugh.
    â€˜I think it might be an idiom,’ I said. ‘It probably means that eating a pie is easy. But I’m not so sure that hypnotising a dog will be as easy as you reckon.’

Chapter Eleven
    Step one to hypnotising Ugly was getting Grandad’s permission to use his watch for a while. It turned out to be surprisingly easy. I was allowed to play with it for half an hour on the condition that I didn’t take it out of the house.
    Next, I had to get Ugly into my bedroom. I couldn’t risk distractions like people barging in and out of a room. When I managed to get Ugly