Murder Most Austen Read Online Free PDF

and that’s all she ever cared about. It didn’t matter to Charlotte what her husband was like. She just wanted to be comfortably established and married. And that’s what she got. As Austen demonstrates in all her books, there were only a few options for women with regard to marriage. Really, one could say that that was the intent and guiding theme in all of her books.”
    I remembered Professor Baines and his perverted suppositions. “Speaking of Austen’s intent,” I said, “we met someone on the flight over who had the most bizarre theories on that. He said there were two stories in her books: one obvious and one hidden. But his ideas about these hidden stories were absurd!” I started laughing as I remembered the details. “He claimed that Marianne Dashwood had an abortion, and that Sir Walter Elliot and Elizabeth had an incestuous relationship.”
    To my surprise, Cora did not seem amused. Her face froze in an expression of disgust and she said with icy disdain, “Let me guess. Professor Richard Baines.”
    “Why, yes,” I said in surprise. “I take it you know him?”
    “Unfortunately, I do.” Cora’s nose wrinkled as if she’d suddenly caught a whiff of raw sewage. “He is a revolting man with revolting ideas and he is perverting Austen’s legacy. I cannot stand him. Unfortunately, I have to see him every year at the festival. He considers himself an expert on Austen and is determined to convert people to his way of thinking. It’s disgraceful.”
    Izzy winked at me and said, “Mama would prefer it if he would not go out into society. She thinks he only makes people uncomfortable.”
    “Do not tease me, Izzy,” Cora replied. “You know that what I’m saying is perfectly true. If it wasn’t for his money, which came from his father and not from his own efforts, most people wouldn’t tolerate him. But because he is rich, he gets away with more. He stirs things up and upsets people.”
    “He upsets you, ” corrected Izzy. “You’ve made it your life’s objective to ban the man from any Austen gathering—both here and at home. You pick a fight with him every year at the festival and then proceed to get into a huge public screaming match. I’m surprised that it isn’t advertised in the brochure as one of the main events.”
    “You exaggerate,” Cora said dismissively, while Izzy mouthed, “No, I don’t,” to me. “Even his first wife, Gail, left him because of his crazy ideas,” Cora continued.
    “That’s not the only reason Gail left him,” said Izzy. “If I remember correctly, his current wife, Alex, had something to do with that decision . ” Turning to Aunt Winnie and me, Izzy said, “It was quite the scandal at the time. Richard had run around on Gail for years, and it’s rumored that their son, Ian, is not an only child, if you catch my drift.”
    Cora flushed and looked away in apparent disgust.
    “Anyway,” Izzy continued, “Gail and Richard Baines ran one of the best Austen magazines in the States, Forever Austen. Then Richard started in with all his secondary story theories and making the most outrageous claims. Some people ignored him, some—like my dear mama,” Izzy added with an indulgent smile at Cora, “frothed and foamed at him, while a few others actually entertained his ideas.”
    “Did Professor Baines’s wife—Gail—agree with him?” Aunt Winnie asked.
    “God, no. She thought they were complete crap, of course,” said Izzy. “But she loved him, I guess, so she put up with it. But then Richard claimed that Darcy and Bingley had been lovers and that was the real reason behind Darcy’s dislike of Jane. As you can imagine, all hell broke loose. Gail took his name off the magazine and filed for divorce. At first everyone thought that it was because of his crackpot theories, but within a month or two he’d married his current wife, Alex—who, I might add,” she added archly, “is a good ten years younger than Gail.”
    “The man’s a pig on