once in your life, to think differently too. Did it ever occur to you, say, that what Iâm looking for is not a father for me but a husband for you?
âYes, a man for you ... an honest-to-goodness man who could rescue you from this sterile life youâve chosen to live, which is drying you up without your knowing it, so that even your best friends, as kind and sweet to you as they are ... yes, they too ... for all they admire you ... are a little ... whatâs the word ... tired of you, and worried about your growing old on them here in the desertâwhere, as long as you insist on working out in the fields, thereâs not the ghost of a chance of meeting anyone,
anyone,
with some life in him whom you might feel close to and love ... because one day I wonât be here anymore, either ... so that maybe itâs not just for my sake that I sometimes, letâs say, suppose we just say, latch onto older men, if thatâs really what I do, but also for...
âYes. Iâm finished.
âExactly. To marry you off...
âYou find that funny? Iâll bet you do! Whatâs wrong with it? Itâs time you stopped being so stubborn and...
âWhatâs the same thing?
âHow is it the same?
âMaybe...
âItâs possible...
âItâs possible ... but so what? It may end up having the same result, but itâs not the same thing...
âNo, donât turn on any more lights. Thereâs enough light.
âMaybe, but so what? And this time in Jerusalem I didnât thrust myself on anyone, Mother, because I had a perfect right to barge in...
âThe right of the formula inside me, Mother, even if you donât take it seriously ... of the little tadpole thatâs swimming inside me and nibbling away at my cells to create someone new ... of this teensy little bloodball, which, say what you will, is going to burst out of me screaming at all of you next summer whether Efi owns up to being its father or not. And that, Mother, is why it was not only my right to enter that apartment without permission, it was my duty to the future Mr. Mani, who was curious to meet his ancestors on their own turf, because for the time being, until heâs old enough to represent himself, Iâm his only representative, do you hear me?
âAs a matter of fact, I understood in a flash what drew me to that apartmentâand donât tell me it was my imagination, because I know better, Mother, and it was not. It was absolutely, definitely not my imagination! Iâm telling you right now that I donât agree with a word youâre going to say, because I saw at a glance, Mother, the true horror of what was lurking there, which fully explained his strange behavior, and Efiâs anxiety, and the errand he had sent me on, and all my determined telephone calls, and there not being any answer, and most of all, the unfriendly way he blocked the door and tried forcing me back out into the foggy cold even though I had come on a mission of good will, because I, Mother, listen carefully, I literally stopped that man, Efiâs father, this Mr. Mani, from taking his own life...
âNo, Iâm not imagining it.
âYes, I mean it. Listen to me, because itâs the truth, and it can happen in life too and not only in books, and by the simple act of going to Jerusalem on Tuesday, and not budging from the door, I kept that man from killing himself ... yes, killing himself ... because thatâs exactly what he was going to do, it was clear to me then and itâs clear to me now. It all adds up ... and if I hadnât come along just then ... when I think of it ... and ... and...
âNo...
âNo.
âIâm all right.
âIâm all right...
âNo. Iâm crying and trembling because Iâm thinking of what happened then, because I know you canât believe me...
âBecause you donât want to ... you simply donât want to ...
âYes, a man for you ... an honest-to-goodness man who could rescue you from this sterile life youâve chosen to live, which is drying you up without your knowing it, so that even your best friends, as kind and sweet to you as they are ... yes, they too ... for all they admire you ... are a little ... whatâs the word ... tired of you, and worried about your growing old on them here in the desertâwhere, as long as you insist on working out in the fields, thereâs not the ghost of a chance of meeting anyone,
anyone,
with some life in him whom you might feel close to and love ... because one day I wonât be here anymore, either ... so that maybe itâs not just for my sake that I sometimes, letâs say, suppose we just say, latch onto older men, if thatâs really what I do, but also for...
âYes. Iâm finished.
âExactly. To marry you off...
âYou find that funny? Iâll bet you do! Whatâs wrong with it? Itâs time you stopped being so stubborn and...
âWhatâs the same thing?
âHow is it the same?
âMaybe...
âItâs possible...
âItâs possible ... but so what? It may end up having the same result, but itâs not the same thing...
âNo, donât turn on any more lights. Thereâs enough light.
âMaybe, but so what? And this time in Jerusalem I didnât thrust myself on anyone, Mother, because I had a perfect right to barge in...
âThe right of the formula inside me, Mother, even if you donât take it seriously ... of the little tadpole thatâs swimming inside me and nibbling away at my cells to create someone new ... of this teensy little bloodball, which, say what you will, is going to burst out of me screaming at all of you next summer whether Efi owns up to being its father or not. And that, Mother, is why it was not only my right to enter that apartment without permission, it was my duty to the future Mr. Mani, who was curious to meet his ancestors on their own turf, because for the time being, until heâs old enough to represent himself, Iâm his only representative, do you hear me?
âAs a matter of fact, I understood in a flash what drew me to that apartmentâand donât tell me it was my imagination, because I know better, Mother, and it was not. It was absolutely, definitely not my imagination! Iâm telling you right now that I donât agree with a word youâre going to say, because I saw at a glance, Mother, the true horror of what was lurking there, which fully explained his strange behavior, and Efiâs anxiety, and the errand he had sent me on, and all my determined telephone calls, and there not being any answer, and most of all, the unfriendly way he blocked the door and tried forcing me back out into the foggy cold even though I had come on a mission of good will, because I, Mother, listen carefully, I literally stopped that man, Efiâs father, this Mr. Mani, from taking his own life...
âNo, Iâm not imagining it.
âYes, I mean it. Listen to me, because itâs the truth, and it can happen in life too and not only in books, and by the simple act of going to Jerusalem on Tuesday, and not budging from the door, I kept that man from killing himself ... yes, killing himself ... because thatâs exactly what he was going to do, it was clear to me then and itâs clear to me now. It all adds up ... and if I hadnât come along just then ... when I think of it ... and ... and...
âNo...
âNo.
âIâm all right.
âIâm all right...
âNo. Iâm crying and trembling because Iâm thinking of what happened then, because I know you canât believe me...
âBecause you donât want to ... you simply donât want to ...
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