Mo said she was quirky Read Online Free PDF Page B

ones of Brian, she didnt have many. Mum had more, she liked him. Of course she did, her son. Mum loved Brian and it was nice to know. She had never loved Helen and she loved Brian so that was nice, nice to know, she loved somebody.
    But that could never have been him at the traffic lights. It was just too coincidental. The entire population of London my God millions and millions of people. Brian went to England but a long long time ago: Doncaster or someplace; he liked Doncaster, then it was Liverpool. Although of course he could have left and come to London, of course he could. But if he had seen her he would have known her. Surely he would have known her?
    Not through the windscreen and the side windows. She would have been a shape, only a shape.
    Oh my God if he had recognised her he would have been so so glad, just so glad to see her. He would have been. He was her big brother. She didnt have anyone else. Other people had lots of relations. She didnt. Brian was the one and he went away, and poor old Dad. Nobody was left except Mum. Ifpeople want to complain, Helen could have, she could easily have complained. Yes life was unfair. If you expected life to be fair you were in for a shock. Dad was hardly turned fifty and it was a heart attack. What is a heart attack? Your heart stops, a heart seizure. It was a seizure. Blood and cholesterol. What does it mean? The doctor asked if he smoked my God it had nothing to do with smoking, Dad didnt smoke; he used to but it was years ago.
    Why did they say these things? Oh but it was all the time, the same with Mo’s uncle dying of cancer. People blame the wrong things. It happened to her dealing cards, if they kept getting bust or if she kept getting blackjack, so the bank kept winning, so it was like her fault. It wasnt her fault. They blamed her for bad cards. Total stupidity. And it wasnt her money, did they think it was her winning for goodness sake it was not her winning, it was the bank, and it was not her fault if they lost. Punters lost their wages so blame the dealer. All the time they did it, as if she was responsible for how the cards fell. What did they think, that she had stacked the deck? How could she do that? They saw the cards under their very nose, that was how they were shuffled, they just came out and it happened, and they cut the deck themself, it was them done it, so why blame her? What about fate, do they never think of fate? Or luck? Why not luck? People were lucky. Some were and some werent. That was life.
    A slice of toast. She needed something.
    Once Sophie had gone to school she would fall into bed, just fall in. Everything. It was everything. You got tired of it all. She had been about to say ‘death’. Even death, being tired of death. Why was she thinking about death? It wasnt morbid, she wasnt morbid, not generally, although her thoughts, her imagination.
    Her thoughts were the darkest, often they were, they could be. Not herself, if it was the smear, she always went and alwayswould, and ordinary cancer, people dont pass it on to one another, not like a contagion, cancer is not a contagion, and people survive. Mo’s uncle hadnt smoked one cigarette in his whole life. He was a religious man and a non-drinker too. Why did the medical people say that? Because it was lung cancer. Mo’s family were angry and no wonder. Didnt they read the medical records? His uncle was a sportsman my God didnt they know he was a sportsman? They dont even read his files! Mo could hardly get the words out when he was telling her. Then too his family, his mum and dad up visiting most every day of the week and what a strain it put on them.
    But at least they had had time together as a family. Not like when the person is just struck down. That is the horror. People have no time. Helen’s father was dead before he hit the pavement. So said the doctors. He was walking along the road and collapsed, and was dead. Children in the street witnessed it happen. So horrible. Those