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laughed, snapping her fingers at his groin.
    Breathred did the only thing he could do in such a situation. He ran from the room like a scared little girl.
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Four
    The female of the species is oft time the most dangerous to handle.
    Breathred did his utmost to ignore the chimp, but found it increasingly hard as the evening wore on. Everything would have been fine if it wasn't for the fact the chimpanzee was ignoring him, a preposterous thing for it to do in the first place. How dare Stud ignore him when it was his place to ignore the chimp?
    This whole embarrassing situation was all Stud's fault, anyway. After all, the chimp had been the one who let the girl into the bathroom. Women and male nudity had no place in the same apartment, let alone the same room. He was still reeling from the encounter. He doubted even therapy would erase the incident from his mind. The very idea that Luna had seen his Mr. Wigglesworm was damaging enough without the little monster shooting him obscene winks every few seconds.
    Luna gave him a sly smile from where she sat across the room. His hand fell to his lap. It was a reflex action. He didn't do it because he thought she had some kind of x-ray vision, but why take chances? Women were mysterious creatures. Who knew what secret powers they could be hiding?
    Breathred scratched his head and gave the girl an appraising glance, trying not to appear to be looking at her. Yes, he would have to remember to look into getting some lead-lined boxer briefs online once she left, just in case. Maybe, he could check on EBAY. Perhaps they had something there he could buy. If not, he could start wrapping his personality in aluminum foil.
    Through his fog of paranoia, he heard Luna laugh; her soft giggle always distracted him. Breathred looked up. From the expression on Stud's face, he had just said something extremely witty. They both looked at him and burst into a roaring fit of laughter. Whatever it had been, it was obviously about him. It always was.
    Luna gave him a warm smile. The world around him fell silent as he fell into her. Her soft hazel eyes twinkled back, when she caught his glazed eyes staring at her. Her full lips upturned at their corners ever so slightly, drawing a thin sheen of sweat across his brow.
    She always made him melt like a warm bowl of Rocky Road. Normally it was only when he was in her company, but lately it had been happening when he wasn't even around her. The odd thing was, she had the opposite effect on other parts of his anatomy he'd rather not mention, propriety being what it was.
    It was totally ridiculous for him to feel this way. He had only known the girl for six months. It was silly to think she could have such a profound effect on him in such a short period of time, but she had. If he had been a tad bit wiser on such matters, it wouldn't have been a mystery to him at all. Instead, he looked for answers to fit into his logical world.
    After numerous attempts at reasoning it out, he settled on the most plausible of his irrational explanations for his condition. It had to be an allergic reaction. His condition had to be purely medical in nature. It was the only answer to fit all his symptoms. Unfortunately, his bevy of doctors had, as of yet, found no visible cure for his unique dilemma.
    Breathred found his mind drifting back to that singular moment six months ago. He had gone to the Java Jumper, a place similar to a well-known coffee establishment based in the Seattle area. (I should point out said company refused to allow the author the use of their much-publicized name in this manuscript due to a contractual dispute or, in other words, the money grubbing sum-bitches wouldn't cough up the cash for the endorsement.)
    The day, like any other day, had been wet. His only thoughts were on getting a warm cup of coffee into him and escaping the downpour. He made it inside just before the bottom fell out.
    Upon entering he was just wet enough to