Missing You Read Online Free PDF Page B

probably find that you grow closer, the two of you,’ says Belle. ‘I’ve heard lots of people say that the exclusive time parents and children have together in these kinds of situations can be bonding. It can be a very positive experience.’
    ‘Who are you trying to convince?’ Sean asks. ‘Why all the pill-sugaring?’
    ‘Oh, Sean, don’t . . .’ She trails off. She looks at the backs of her hands. She is still wearing her wedding ring and she twists it round and round the base of her third finger. ‘I’m just trying to be civilized,’ she says. ‘It’s not as if I don’t still care about you.’
    ‘You’ve got a great way of showing it, Belle.’
    ‘Sean . . .’
    He takes a deep breath, holds it in his lungs, tries to exhale his anger. Amy’s eyes switch from one parent’s face to the other’s. She is pressing herself deep into the settee.
    ‘Sorry, Amy,’ says Sean. ‘Sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to shout.’
    He takes her hot little foot in his hand, but she winces and withdraws it.
    Belle is giving him a ‘see what you’ve done now’ look.
    ‘Is there anything you need?’ she asks in a cooler voice. ‘From the house? Do you need extra bedding? Towels? Pots and pans?’
    ‘No.’
    He will not thank her. He won’t give her the balm to soothe her conscience. No. Her words sound attentive, concerned, but this generosity is all part of the eviction process. She just wants shot of him.
    This is all wrong. It’s like some kind of nightmare, like one of those films in which the hero goes to work in the morning and comes home to find everything looks the same but everything has changed.
    ‘Daddy?’
    Amy has not changed. She stares up into his eyes and her own are wide and worried. She sniffs loudly and wipes her nose with the edge of her duvet.
    ‘Amy, don’t be disgusting. I’ve told you a hundred times to use a tissue,’ says Belle.
    ‘For Christ’s sake, Belle, she’s not well. Give her a break!’ Sean hisses.
    ‘Don’t talk to me like that,’ Belle replies in a voice that’s quiet and brutal.
    ‘Oh! Right! So you can fuck your bastard tutor any time you want but I’m not allowed to talk to you?’
    ‘If you’re going to use language like that I think you should get out of my house,’ says Belle.
    ‘ Your house?’
    ‘I’m sorry!’ says Amy urgently. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t use the tissue!’
    Sean closes his eyes and wishes he could rewind. He doesn’t like himself at all. He used to think he was a decent bloke but now he’s someone else, someone riddled with resentment and bitterness and spite, someone who goes off like a firework at the slightest provocation.
    ‘Darling Amy,’ he says, ‘it’s not your fault. Nothing is your fault.’
    ‘Mummy and Daddy are just a bit cross with each other at the moment,’ says Belle.
    ‘We’re not behaving very well,’ says Sean. ‘We should both go and sit on the naughty step.’
    Amy tries to smile but it is not convincing.
    ‘Listen,’ says Sean, leaning down and picking Amy up and swinging her onto his lap. She is tangled in the duvet. Her head is hot and sweaty. She is a bundle of duvet and elbows and damp hair in his arms. She’s grown taller lately. Her limbs are long and thin. She doesn’t sit comfortably on his knees as she used to. He puts his lips against her head, to taste her. ‘I’m going to go now. I need you to get better and then you can come and see my new –’ he pauses: room seems too pathetic – ‘my new house.’
    Amy nods.
    ‘We’ll do something nice, OK?’
    ‘Mmm.’
    He wipes his daughter’s face with his sleeve, kisses her forehead, and holds her close for a moment.
    Belle is staring into her teacup. Her knees are clamped together and her elbows are tight to her side. She is sitting very straight.
    ‘Belle, I’m sorry,’ Sean says quietly. ‘I shouldn’t have come. It’s too . . . difficult.’
    She nods. Still she does not raise her head.
    He is surprised to see a tear