Miss Laney Is Zany! Read Online Free PDF Page A

dollars!”
    “Uh…,” said Miss Laney.
    “Acoustics!” everybody screamed as if Miss Laney could hear us through the TV.
    “Uh…uh…”
    “She doesn’t remember!” I groaned, slapping my head.
    “Uh…uh…uh…”
    “She’s got brain freeze!” groaned Ryan.
    “Gee!” said Dickie Blinkbarker. “I never heard of a speech teacher who was speechless!”
    “I know the answer,” said Miss Laney frantically. “It’s on the tip of my tongue.”
    BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
    “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!” everybody groaned.

    “I’m soooooo sorry, Miss Laney,” said Dickie Blinkbarker. “The correct answer is ‘acoustics.’ Speaking of the tip of your tongue, bring out the bugs!”

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Ugh, Disgusting!
    We all watched the TV. Some lady wearing a bathing suit came out carrying a plate. The camera zoomed in for a close-up, and you could see all these disgusting bugs slithering around on it. I thought I was gonna throw up.
    This had to be the saddest day in the history of the world. Miss Laney didn’twin a million dollars. She didn’t save the school. And now she would have to eat a plate full of bugs. Some of the first graders were crying.
    “Eat bugs! Eat bugs!” the studio audience chanted.
    “Before you eat the bugs,” said Dickie Blinkbarker, “is there anything you’d like to say to the folks out there in TV land, Miss Laney?”
    “Yes, there is, Dickie,” Miss Laney said. She turned to face the camera, and it moved in for a close-up.
     
    Hey kids! Do you have trouble saying the letter S? When you say the word ‘lion,’ does it come out like ‘wion’? Do youstutter or lisp? Don’t feel bad. You’re not alone. Millions of kids just like you have the same problem. But you’re in luck! With the help of Miss Laney’s Amazing Zany Brainy No Painy Speech Fixer Upper, you’ll be able to say hard words like ‘February.’ Words like ‘refrigerator,’ ‘nuclear,’ and ‘duct tape.’ You’ll be ableto say EVERY WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE! In a few short weeks, you’ll be talking perfectly. It’s simply amazing! But it’s not available in stores. Go to www.misslaneyiszany.com and order now. Miss Laney’s Amazing Zany Brainy No Painy Speech Fixer Upper is only $19.99. But wait, there’s more!

    Miss Laney did her whole infomercial on national TV!
    “I’m going to go check Miss Laney’s website!” Mrs. Patty yelled. She ran to the front office, which is next to the all-purpose room.
    On TV, Miss Laney finished her infomercial. Then she picked up a spiderand ate it.
    “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” we all screamed.
    “Orders are pouring in like crazy!” Mrs. Patty shouted from the front office.
    On TV, Miss Laney ate an ant.
    “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” we all screamed.
    “So far there are twenty thousand dollars’ worth of orders!” shouted Mrs.
    Patty.
    On TV, Miss Laney ate some flies.
    “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” we all screamed.

    “Fifty thousand dollars in orders so far!” shouted Mrs. Patty.
    On TV, Miss Laney ate a beetle.
    “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” we all screamed.
    “It’s up to a hundred thousand dollars!” shouted Mrs. Patty.
    On TV, Miss Laney ate a worm.
    “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” we all screamed.
    “A half a million dollars!” shouted Mrs. Patty.
    On TV, Miss Laney ate a cockroach.

    “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” we all screamed.
    “A million dollars !” shouted Mrs. Patty. “She sold a million dollars’ worth of her speech program!”

    “That means Ella Mentry School can stay open!” I hollered. “Miss Laney saved the school!”
    Everybody was yelling and screaming and jumping up and down and going crazy. On TV, Miss Laney finished all the bugs on the plate.
    “You’ve been a good sport, Miss Laney,”said Dickie Blinkbarker. “Even though you didn’t win, here’s a check for a thousand dollars just for playing Win Money or Eat Bugs .”
    “Thank you, Dickie,” said Miss Laney.
    “But we’re not done yet!” Dickie said. “You can keep the money, or you can have what’s