Mismatched Read Online Free PDF Page B

teeth.
    Erin’s whining at me again. “Come on, Ridlee, you can’t mean it. Stay here all night?” She gestures to the window. “But there’re the pubs and the clubs and Dubs. We’re missing out hanging around here with this lot.”
    “Dubs? Is that another Irish expression?”
    “Dubliners. Irish lads. They build ‘em brawny here.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me, going for the hard sell. “I think you might like ‘em.” Her grin could not be more cheesy.
    I play it cool. “I can wait. I’m kinda likin’ the vibe here at Casa O’Neill.”
    She almost stomps her foot. “You can’t be serious! My Uncle’s already three sheets to the wind and my father won’t be too far behind. Anything can happen then. I’ll be humiliated.”
    “That’s kind of what I’m hoping for.” Searching through my suitcase, I wonder what the appropriate outfit might be for sitting around an Irish living room, being regaled with tales of Erin’s childhood. Definitely something black. With a touch of green, maybe. I’ll totally blend.
    “You’re a bad person,” she says. “A wretched excuse for a human being. Selfish. Heartless.” This is her last ditch effort.
    “I know. I agree.”
    She huffs out a puff of air. “Fine. If you insist on dragging me kicking and screaming through my childhood again to provide cheap entertainment, I’ll have to get locked. You’ve left me no choice. My mum has a bottle of Jameson hidden under the kitchen sink and I mean to empty it directly into my bloodstream.”
    “Good. I have my camera fully charged.”
    “I’ll expect you to hold my hair out of the way when I’m bent over the loo retching my guts up.”
    “Consider it done.”
    She leaves me alone in the room, and I make sure to slip my camera into my pocket before following her out. I’m seriously going to document the hell out of this trip, since it’ll probably be my one and only vacation to the Emerald Isle. Lord knows Erin’s not planning on coming back. She acts like this place gives her hives. And I couldn’t imagine being in this country without her translating all this English for me. The accent is so thick I only catch about half of what everyone’s saying.
    When I get out into the dim living room, I assess the situation. The men are on one side of the room and the women on the other. There are well-worn, darkly cushioned chairs for Dad and Uncle Miley and a low-slung flowered couch for Aunty Ger and Mum. Erin is just dropping into the space between the ladies when they see me.
    “It’s a bit early for dinner, so I’ve put out some nibblies over there on the sideboard if you’re interested.” Erin’s mother gestures to a narrow table against the wall, just before the door opening that leads to the dining room.
    “Oooh, good idea,” I say, wondering what it is exactly that Irish eat for snackage. I head in that direction.
    “Watch out for the toad eyeballs,” Erin calls out across the room.
    My hand pauses, hovering over a plate of round brown things. “Them are some mighty big toads,” I say under my breath.
    “Stop it, Erin,” says her mom. “We don’t eat a toad’s eyeballs. Where’re you gettin’ that from?”
    I move left, stopping in front of the next dish.
    “Might want to pass on the ground goat’s udder dip,” Erin says.
    Her mother’s voice goes up really high. “For Jaysus’s sake, Erin. What’s got into you? Are ye drunk?”
    Uncle Miley raises his class. “Cheers, love. Get me another, would you please?”
    I take a cucumber slice and turn around, biting into it with gusto and then holding up the remaining half at my friend.
    She lifts an eyebrow. “Enjoy your leprechaun nipples.”
    Aunty Ger smacks her leg as she gets up to refill her husband’s beer. “You’re such a tease. Just like your dad.” The stockings she’s wearing under her brown dress make a swishing sound as she moves.
    I take a high-backed wooden chair, sitting just between the men and the women, my