Mirrors of Narcissus Read Online Free PDF

person to whom I was ready to confess everything, that very confession would have destroyed what we had together. Her love would never be able to withstand that revelation. And I didn’t want to hurt her. I wanted to protect her for my own reasons: because I needed her love. My relationship with her had been the most fulfilling relationship of my life. So I had to keep up the pretense that I was what I seemed to be on the outside—just another heterosexual boy.
    But I’d come very close to revealing myself. She knew I was excited by the way other men were attracted to her. And she knew I fantasized about other men making love to her…that I was hungry for details about the other boys in her life.
    About clumsy Craig, her first boyfriend, in the eighth grade. He would come over to see her as she babysat for a neighbor. After the kids had gone to sleep, they would sit on the sofa watching TV and kissing, for hours, until she became frantic with desire. Craig would eventually slip his hand into her blouse, so eagerly, yet so awkwardly, that she wished she could take his hand and guide him.
    In her sophomore year of high school she’d gone steady with David, who was not much better. He was a redhead, a hotshot tennis player and a Boy Scout. Christine practically had to seduce him, but she finally lost her virginity to him one night in a girlfriend’s bedroom.
    Then there was the brief flirtation with Brian in her junior year. Christine lost her interest in him when she discovered that, despite his outward braggadocio, he suffered from premature ejaculation. Their lovemaking never got to the point of insertion.
    The boy who changed it all was Julian, the bad boy in school. He was the one who first gave Christine the feeling that sex was not just a naughty prize to give away to a boy, to spite the grown-up world, or to prove your adulthood. Before she ever met him, she’d been fascinated by his reputation: since junior high, he’d been linked with the pregnancies of several girls. In high school there was talk that he’d slept with a student teacher from college. He exuded a confident virility, and it was this which excited Christine…and me.
    “Was he that good looking?” I asked her.
    “No, not really. He was tall and pale, with dark, curly hair and searching eyes. He wasn’t conventionally handsome. But there was something about him which the girls in my school found endlessly fascinating.”
    “Did he have a good body?”
    “Oh yes. Firmly muscled, slim hips….”
    Of course Christine thought she was stoking my jealousy as a preliminary to our lovemaking. But for me, hearing about Julian enhanced our lovemaking, was a vital part of it. This was the only way I could get close to a boy—to see his nudity, to know how he kissed and caressed, the way he smelled, the way he made love.
    “Did he have a big dick?”
    “About average, I guess.”
    “But he sure knew how to use it, huh?”
    “Oh, yes. But not nearly as good as you. You’re the best ever.”
    “Oh?”
    “And you’re the best looking guy I’ve ever been with.”
    “What is it about me you like?”
    “Your butt, for one. I love your butt.”
    “Girls usually tell me that.” Her hands were on my buttocks, caressing them. “What else?”
    “Your chest.” She pulled off my shirt. “I love your chest, and your shoulders. You worked out today, didn’t you?”
    “Oh yes.”
    She felt the hardness of my muscles with the palms of both hands. Seeing the desire in her eyes as she looked at my body excited me. I could see myself reflected in her pupils. There was a lascivious hunger in them. Her lips were slightly parted and I saw her tongue flicker inside. Even in the darkness her eyes glowed greedily when I slipped off my briefs. Feeling her lust, I became aroused. It was her desire for a boy’s body that pierced me now. She made no effort to hide it or disguise it. I could feel it so keenly that my head swam. Maybe this was the nearest I would