Midnight Lamp Read Online Free PDF Page B

with the situation, because of the techno-route I took to reach the Zen Self. She doesn’t have that protection. It’s no wonder all the anecdotal evidence says people with innate magic power are unstable. It’s a fucking impossible psychological platform.’
    If Sage had been delivering this relentless message with buddhalike-calm, Ax would have hated him. But no, that was not what was happening. They stared at each other: ah, God, unbearable.
    Fiorinda ran and laughed, playing with the children-
    ‘Is she dangerous?’ said Ax, at last.
    He had encountered Fiorinda’s magic for the first time, that night at Tyller Pystri. He didn’t remember much.
    ‘No—!’ gasped Sage. He recovered. ‘She’s not dangerous because she’s still our babe. I couldn’t help what happened in Cornwall, I was too weak and it caught me off guard. In future we’ll always be looking after her.’
    ‘I get it,’ said Ax, white-lipped. ‘I did this. I set off the bastard’s time bomb.’
    In a moment of weakness, Sage had told Ax about Rufus O’Niall’s last words. He wished to God he hadn’t. He shrugged. Pleading with Ax not to blame himself would just have them both sobbing. ‘Nah… There was no curse. Rufus said that because he knew what he’d done to her. And because even then he was trying to fuck me up, what a guy, eh?’
    He decided to withhold Fiorinda’s ghost story. Enough is enough.
    Ax reserved the right to hate himself, but he wasn’t going to argue.
    ‘So,’ he said, ‘Okay, let’s engage. What are we looking at?’
    ‘We can’t hand her over to the whitecoats—’
    ‘God, no. She’d be terrified. And we can’t let them lock her up.’
    ‘Good, I’m glad we’re agreed. And no medication, by the way, it wouldn’t be safe: but that’s okay. The drugs don’t work, they just damp things down, nanosurgery’s the only answer and not for her. Well, untreated schizophrenia. It’s doable. With luck we’re looking at an intermittent fault. I think we can forget about sex, or children—’
    ‘I’d worked that out, thanks.’
    ‘Not because of the damage, more because of how she feels. I’m afraid things are almost certain to get worse, but they’ll get better, too… Okay, we nurse her through the bad patches, a stable routine, all our love; these things help. We could hope for periods of years, maybe, with her as calm as she is now.’
    ‘Other times when she’s in hell, and there’s nothing we can do.’
    The mist had closed around them. Children’s voices were like seagulls’ cries; the great ocean almost silenced. They looked at the life ahead of them, and shouldered the burden gladly. But what did Fiorinda do, to deserve such a fate?
    ‘Hey. It isn’t going to happen, Ax . I won’t let it happen. I can break her out of this, I’m the boddhisattva remember, I just need to be a little stronger , get rid of this fucking stupid tiredness —’
    Ax nodded, compassionately.
    ‘I can take her. You don’t believe me but I can. I’m no magician, but I can make it okay. The problem.’ Sage had to stop, and knuckle his eyes: he tried again. ‘The problem is that she’d have to trust me, absolutely, with her life and sanity. And I’m the bastard who left her to face Rufus O’Niall, all alone.’
    ‘We both left her. We are the bastards who left her all alone.’
    Ax gripped his friend’s hand. They rarely touched each other now, because they’d been lovers and that was over. The bisexual threesome had always been for her sake. They both knew this, though there’d been no discussion; and it was fine, but the past, at this painful moment, rose up unexpectedly—
    Someone was coming out of the mist. Fuck, it’s the A&R man.
    The handclasp was dropped, abruptly.
    ‘Shit,’ muttered Sage. ‘Are we going to have to leave?’
    ‘No way,’ said Ax, through gritted teeth. ‘We’re staying, he’s going. Fiorinda likes it here. Hey, I have friends. The Justice Minister says he’s a