Marrying Off Mother Read Online Free PDF

on the gravel and driven off. Fred surveyed them as if they were offensive litter.
    â€˜Fred,’ I said, interested, ‘do you normally wear that clothing?’
    He glanced down his body with disdain.
    â€˜No,’ he said, ‘but Miz Magnolia say ah was to greet yew in traditional costume.’
    â€˜You mean that this is traditional costume here in Memphis?’ I asked.
    â€˜No suh,’ he said bitterly, ‘it’s traditional costume where yew comes from.’
    I sighed.
    â€˜Fred,’ I said, ‘do me a favour. Go and take off those garments. I am flattered that you put them on for me but I shall be even more flattered if you take them off for me and you will be more comfortable.’
    A great smile appeared on his face. It was as though you had briefly lifted the lid on a grand piano.
    â€˜Ah sure will do dat, Mr Dewrell,’ he said thankfully.
    I entered the cool hall which smelt of furniture polish, flowers and herbs and Miz Magnolia came pitter-pattering down the parquet to greet me, like a thread of smoke clad in chiffon and scent, tinkling with jewels, fragile as a will-o’-the-wisp, blue eyes big as saucers, the delicate skin of her throat hanging down like victory banners of her successful survival. Under her eyes hung pouches as big as swallows’ nests, her face was a network of wrinkles as intricate as any spider’s web and her hair was that extraordinary shade of electric blue that many American women obtain when they have reluctantly tiptoed from the forties into the fifties.
    â€˜Mr Dewrell,’ she said, clasping my hand in both of her fragile ones, which appeared to be made out of chicken bones and fine parchment. ‘Mr Dewrell, yew are so welcome, suh. It is an honour to have yew in the house.’
    â€˜It’s an honour to be here, mam,’ I said.
    Fred loomed up suddenly like a large and ominous black cloud on a sunny afternoon.
    â€˜Miz Magnolia,’ he announced. ‘Ah is goin’ to take mah clothes off.’
    â€˜Fred!’ she said, shocked. ‘I do not think that is wise or decent.’
    â€˜Mr Dewrell said ah could,’ said Fred, thus implicating me.
    â€˜Oh!’ said Miz Magnolia, startled. ‘Well, I suppose that’s different. But I am sure Mr Dewrell did not want you to take off your clothes this very instant. Not hayer, at any rate, where Great Aunt Dorinda might see.’
    â€˜Ah is goin’ to do it private in mah own room,’ said Fred, and stalked off.
    â€˜Now, why in the world would he want to disrobe?’ asked Miz Magnolia. ‘Yew know, the longer yew live with people the more complicated they become.’
    I began to have that Alice in Wonderland feeling that I always get when entering Greece. You have to toss logic overboard and let it float — but at a retrievable distance — for a short time. I find it does wonders for the brain cells.
    â€˜Mr Dewrell, honey lamb,’ she said, clasping my hand more firmly, ‘yew must be simply perishing for want of a drink.’
    â€˜Well, that would be nice,’ I said. ‘A tiny Scotch and . . .’
    â€˜Shhhhh,’ she said, ‘Fred might hayer. He’s so against drinking since he married again and joined this new Second Revelation Church. You have no idea. He does nothing but go about saying that strong drink is raging and accusing everyone of fornication — even me. Now I am the first one to admit that in MAH time I was a bit of a flirt but I do assure yew that fornication never entered mah hayed. Mr Dwite-Henderson would never have allowed it. He was all for virginity.’
    My ideas of a Bloody Mary faded. She led me into the living room and then hastened to the handsome drink cabinet.
    â€˜A drink,’ she said. ‘A drink for flagging spirits.’
    She opened the cabinet and to my alarm it contained nothing but opened bottles of Coca-Cola.
    â€˜What would yew like?’