Major Karnage Read Online Free PDF Page A

withdraw.”
    “Well, if you insist.” Karnage punched in what he considered
a reasonable yet significant sum. The console whirred. A number
of thin purple bills emerged from the base of the screen. Karnage
grabbed them. The bills felt hot, like they’d been freshly printed.
They featured Dabby Tabby prominently on their faces. His arm was
wrapped around the shoulder of a man with a long face and pencilthin moustache. The words “In Galt We Trust” ran in a semi-circle
underneath them. Karnage rubbed the bills between his fingers. “Is
this legal tender?”
    “Each Dabneybill is one hundred per cent backed by the Dabney
Corporation’s guarantee of—”
    The console beeped. A surprised Dabby Tabby appeared on the
flashing screen. “I’m sorry. Apparently this vehicle has been reported
stolen. Please remain seated until an authorized representative can
verify your ownership. Thank you.” The car pulled over to the side
of the road and the engine turned off.
    “Guess I’m hoofin’ it the rest of the way.” Karnage pulled on the
door handle. It wouldn’t budge. The console beeped again. “Please
remain seated until an authorized representative can verify your
ownership. Thank you.”
    “Like hell.” Karnage reached into the backseat for the golf club.
The seatbelt tightened against his chest, pulling him out of reach.
    “Please remain seated until an authorized representative can
verify your ownership. Thank you.”
    Karnage sucked in his chest and stretched his arm into the
backseat. The belt tightened further, digging into his neck. Karnage
fought to suck air into his lungs. His fingers touched the cold metal
of the golf club’s head. He dragged it forward, then wrapped his fist
around the handle.
    “Please remain seated—”
    Karnage smashed the club through the driver’s side window. The
club shouted “Hook!” as the Sanity Patch crooned “Peachy Keen.” An
alarm blared over the car’s speakers, drowning out both the Sanity
Patch and the club. The monitor filled with a picture of Dabby Tabby
covering his mouth in an oops-like action.
    “I’m sorry. Apparently the anti-theft device on this vehicle has
been activated.” The car hummed. Karnage felt the hair on his head
stand on end. “The chassis has been electrified with 200,000 volts
of electricity. Please stay clear of the vehicle until an authorized
representative can—”
    “I dunno which of you is pissin’ me off more.” Karnage snagged a
shard of broken glass from the window and started sawing through
the seatbelt’s shoulder strap. “The one who wants to fry me alive
or the one who wants to blow my goddamn head off!” The shoulder
strap gave way. It whipped up into the harness. Karnage pulled the
limp waist belt off his lap.
    “Please remain seated—”
    “Fuck you!”
    Karnage tossed the golf club through the window.
    “Slice!”
    He pulled himself into a squat on the car seat, and launched
himself through the broken window. He landed in a tuck-and-roll
on the pavement.
    Flaherty’s car spasmed and rocked. Sparks flew across its hood.
Karnage watched from the shoulder on the far side of the road. He
rubbed his stubble-covered chin as the vehicle pleaded with its nonexistent passengers to please remain seated. He imagined Flaherty’s
arm flopping around on the passenger seat.
    “This is where we part company, Doc.” Karnage saluted. “See you
in hell.”

CHAPTER TWO
    Karnage stuck to the road. The slippers he wore were fine for
shuffling through hospital wards, but they’d be torn to shreds on
the desert terrain.
    The pyjamas were fairly well suited for the desert, though. The
thin, loose-fitting fabric would promote air circulation and keep
him cool. The golf club made a fine walking stick.
    The straitjacket was draped over his head to provide him some
protection from the desert sun. The heavy fabric would be a burden,
but it would help keep him warm during the cool