Mad Cows Read Online Free PDF Page B

adhesive tapes. ‘I’m in
jail
,’ She flapped her hand back and forth through the air, trying to shed its soggy consignment. ‘I’m denied fresh fruit, late nights, good coffee, nice clothes, sleep-ins, newspapers, crème brulée and hot jungle sex with the horndog Himbo of my choice . . .’
    Edwina cocked her head to one side and smiled patronizingly. ‘I’m not as straight as I appear. I’ve undergone Transactional Analysis.’ She uttered these words as though they were a magic talisman. ‘I believe you must Own Your Anger. How else can one understand transference and rejection? I’m currently part of a rebirthing workshop.’
    â€˜As long as I can rebirth myself as a millionaire’s love goddess with no stretch marks.’
    â€˜Primal therapy is not beyond my grasp,’ she confided, unperturbed.
    â€˜Oh, great. Just the ticket.’ Maddy, balancing Jack’s naked body in the crook of her arm, filled the sink with warm water. ‘
Cheer yourself up whilst in prison by reliving your unhappy childhood
. . . Um . . . I don’t think so. Besides, I had an unfashionably
happy
childhood. Sandy beaches, blue skies, nothing more dangerous than a bad prawn for miles around in any direction . . .’
    Dwina seized on this with glee. ‘Hidden Memory Syndrome, dear. We therapists find that the more a patient denies being abused as a child the more assiduous the search for evidence should be!’
    Maddy was only half listening. ‘Ah-uh . . .’ as the sink’s water-level peaked, she twiddled at the taps with one hand. Testing the temperature with her elbow sent a tidal wave over her feet. Adding a squirt of prison-issue baby oil, she slowly submerged Jack. He promptly spurted out of her hands and went under. ‘Shit!’
    â€˜Just look at the facts, Madeline. Lack of career success, low self-esteem’ – the ‘L’-plated analyst itemized Maddy’s short-comings on her disinfected fingers – ‘a jail sentence, single motherhood . . . Is
this
the product of a happy childhood?’
    Each time Maddy grabbed hold of Jack’s slimy body, he’d squirm free of her trembling grasp. She was dunking him up and down like a teabag. Shoving Maddy aside, Dwina, with dextrous panache, extracted Jack and swaddled him snugly in a towel. Maddy, overcome with her own inadequacy, felt a sob rising in her throat.
    â€˜I know how you feel, Madeline, I really do. You’re not a criminal, dear. You were driven to crime for
his
sake.’ With nimble-fingered deftness, Dwina sluiced water on to Jack’s delicate head, towelled his hair-fluff and placed him on the bed in a shower of powder. ‘A victim of circumstances. But what I want you to take on board, is that you can change those circumstances. There are many,
many
loving couples out there who would give this sweet little baby a fulfilled and
normal
life.’ A cold tentacle of dread suddenly coiled around Maddy’s abdomen. ‘Such a gesture on your part would make any judge sympathetic. You could start over, unfettered. I think you feel these things, but don’t dare express them.’
    Maddy dive-bombed her baby and clenched him to her. ‘You know nothing about me!’
    â€˜I’m training as a psychotherapist. It’s my business to know.’
    â€˜Who are you training under? Doctor
Seuss
? I am not giving up my baby.’
    â€˜The point is, Madeline, if you’re going to get a sentence over eighteen months—’
    â€˜Eighteen months!’
    â€˜Oh yes. These days, the quality of mercy is severely strained. I’ve never known a government with such an enthusiasm for punishment!’ A chain dangled from her waist, holding a large key and a whistle. She tucked them into a leather Girl Guide-type pouch on her hip. ‘It’s cruel keeping the baby with you now, only to have to give him up further down the