Love in Lowercase Read Online Free PDF Page B

think it’s a little silly?”
    â€œNot in the least.”
    â€œWhat I mean to say is that now I’ve seen her, I can’t just hang around twiddling my thumbs as if nothing happened. I know it’s ridiculous, but I think I have to do something.”
    â€œSo do it.”
    â€œThe problem is that I don’t know anything about her other than her first name. And what if I found her? What could I tell her so that she wouldn’t think I’m a weirdo? I need a good excuse.”
    â€œYou’ve got far too many excuses. Stop thinking about that and act!”
    â€œDo you think I should go looking for her? Is that the meaning of what happened?”
    â€œAbsolutely. That’s the mission you’ve been assigned.”
    â€œBut who assigned it to me? Chance?”
    â€œOr the shadow of God—or whatever you like to call it.”
    â€œI find it hard to believe that this is mere chance. I can’t put it into words but, when our paths crossed, I knew that if she was there right then, it was for a reason. There was nothing fortuitous about it.”
    Titus drummed his fingers on top of his desk. “We refuse to accept chance if it crops up in our everyday lives, because it seems too whimsical. But we accept it in the universe and in the formation of life, which depends on an infinitely more whimsical conjunction of elements.”
    â€œWhat do you mean?”
    â€œThe probability of the emergence of life is about the same as hitting the jackpot on a slot machine with hundreds of reels. We’re here because once upon a time the only combination that could work came up. Don’t you think that’s amazing? And who dropped in the coin to make the reels spin? That’s the big mystery. The Big Bang is totally irrelevant because the main thing is not what happened, but who or what clicked a lighter to light the wick.”
    â€œDoes that mean there’s an invisible hand behind everything that happens to us?”
    â€œThat would be a gross oversimplification.” Titus was smiling for the first time. “I believe it was Jung who said that all beings are joined by invisible threads. You pull one, and the whole set moves. This is why every small act affects everything and everyone. You don’t need a God for that.”
    â€œBut knowing this doesn’t help me to understand why Gabriela was there—and still less what I’m supposed to do now.”
    â€œRemember the cosmic slot machine. The fact that we’re here is already a mystery. A great mystery. That’s all there is to it.”

The Opposite Is Best
    My conversation with an out-of-sorts Titus had hardly clarified matters. In some way he was urging me to do something, but he didn’t specify what or how. Perhaps the best thing would be to stop wasting time with romantic fantasies and forget about the whole thing once and for all.
    Before saying good-bye, I told him how reluctant I was to go to my sister’s.
    â€œWell, I can offer you a magic formula for that,” he said.
    When I asked what it was, he said, “The opposite is best. Whenever you’re angry with someone, apply this maxim. It means doing the exact opposite of what your body’s telling you to do. Believe me, it works miracles.”
    â€”
    While waiting in line at the bakery to buy the Epiphany cake, the
tortell de Reis
, I decided I’d try to follow Titus’s advice.
    Rita and Andreu—my sister and her husband—form a duo that is as perfect as it is destructive. He has taken on the role of chief mourner and complains nonstop, while her job is to point at the guilty parties.
    In the fifteen years they’ve been together, I don’t remember ever seeing a happy moment in that house. I always put it down to their not having had children as they’d wished. Now Rita is well over forty, and I suppose she’s come to terms with the fact that nothing’s going to change.