Love Him to Death Read Online Free PDF Page B

hadn’t spoken, “they’ll just about do. I’ll get them down to Lucia right now. She’ll have to do some restitching to accommodate this kid’s bum, but it will be fine. Go back and relax.”
    Josie nodded, swallowed, took a deep breath and went back to her preparations, leaving Tessa to explain.
    It seemed that the chef wasn’t the only one to have gone down with a hideous bug. Overnight, two of Josie’s vital bridal attendants had contracted it too. So while they were throwing up into the nearest toilet, Graham and I were being roped in to act as their replacements.
    “Can’t she just manage without?” Graham looked horrified. “It’s Bill she’s marrying, isn’t it? What does she need
us
for?”
    “Look,” snapped Tessa, “Josie has very particular ideas about this wedding. She’s been planning the whole thing since she was seven years old! The bridal attendants are integral to her whole scheme. She’s worked out exactly how each photo spread in
Hi!
magazine will look.” There was a pause and then Tessa added under her breath, “Bill’s life won’t be worth living if she doesn’t get what she wants.”
    Now Graham might have been appalled by the prospect of being actively involved in the wedding, but I was thrilled. We’d have front-row seats! We’d get to witness everything. If Angelica threw a scene, we’d see every second of it. And if she didn’t – well, we’d still be at the wedding of the century. It had to be more interesting than laying tables or shredding lettuce. It was even preferable to lying on a beach or going for a swim.
    I looked at Graham. “Come on, it won’t be so bad,” I said cheerfully. “All we have to do is dress up a bit. We can manage that, can’t we? It’s not like we haven’t done it before. Remember when we were flowers in
The Wizard of Oz
?”
    “How could I ever forget?” said Graham bitterly. But he was weakening. I could tell.
    “We’ll do it,” I announced.
    “Thanks,” Tessa replied. “I owe you one. I’ll buy you some chocolate or something.”
    Half an hour later, when Graham and I were clad in flesh-coloured leotards and having seams adjusted and golden fig leaves stitched on in strategic places, I thought Tessa owed us more that one. In fact, she owed us about a million. And even a building-sized bar of chocolate wouldn’t be enough to make up for this.
    What Tessa had so carefully failed to mention was that Josie’s ideas of appropriate bridal gear were either (a) refreshingly original, or (b) downright peculiar, depending on whose opinion you listened to. Sizal Bouffant, who turned out to be the hairdresser who’d been flown in for the occasion, was wildly excited about it all. (“It has the feel of ancient Rome, darling. All that excess! Quite thrilling.”) Bill’s mother Ruby, on the other hand, declared everything to be “blooming hideous”, adding, “If she wanted a fancy-dress do, why didn’t they go to Rio?”
    You see, Josie was going for a Venus and Adonis theme. Graham could mutter all he liked about people who confused their Greek and Roman mythology, but Josie and Bill were dressing like a god and goddess and some of the “celebrities” were bridal attendants. There were going to be a dozen nymphs, several dryads and a lot of rather seedy-looking satyrs. Graham and I were the only children involved, and according to Tessa, our role was pivotal. We were the cavorting cupids.
    We had matching pairs of white, feathery wings, tightly curled blonde wigs, and a golden bow and arrow each. Graham looked dangerously close to using his on Lucia, the dressmaker, who was currently adjusting his fig leaf.
    “This is worse than the Pink Petunia,” he said through gritted teeth. “When will I ever stop listening to you? People at school will laugh themselves stupid when they see the photos.”
    “Maybe they won’t see them,” I said hopefully.
    “They’ll be in
Hi!
magazine!” Graham wailed. “Do you know what their