Love Found in California (The Washington Triplets) Read Online Free PDF Page B

buy me a new car. Like always, his arms made me feel safe and secure and his words raced my pulse, but it stopped there. I wanted him to touch me more, to explore my body and for me to take him over. Insecurity became my old friend again, lurking behind every pure thought, questioning every action.
    We needed to talk, but he didn’t want to push me and I certainly wasn’t going to willingly initiate the conversation. Yet I craved this break in our relationship. I love Ryan, more than anything, and know we do not have the history most couples have to base our relationship on. We’re learning as we go …
     
    After that first kiss on the beach, I knew I was ruined. I could never turn back from this and have my heart in tact or solely my own again. Internally, I begged myself to break this off, walk away, be strong and just pursue my career … but each day after work we became closer and kissed more. The rumors spread like rapid fire and it only increased my anxiety.
    “Mik, don’t listen to any of it. Rumors occur at any office.” He tried to ease my worry, but my face pinched together with the stress. “I can take care of every rumor if you’d like. I’ll put everyone in their place—”
    I cut him off, “No, no that will only make it worse. I-I don’t know. Maybe—”
    This time he cut me off, mere inches from my face. “Absolutely not, Mik.” His voice shook with finality, but his hands held me securely to his chest. “How could you even begin to suggest that?”
    “I know, but, but … I’m worried about the outcome.” My voice actually trembled, wavered more than I had heard it in years. “Just hear me out. Maybe if we take a break from it, the rumors will stop and then we can see. I can’t lose this job and obviously this is your career and everything to you.”
    His arms loosened and I instantly felt lost, insecure and red, mixing with the blue swirling through me. Maybe it was a magenta color invading me, something new. I felt raw and exposed, but for the first time I wanted it and yet I knew it was a bad idea. Too much could be at risk. He blinked his eyes rapidly as if trying to process my words and then he spoke softly, “You know, as well as I do, I know you do. Look into my eyes, Mik. This is different. It’s never been like this for me. And I know for you either. Don’t you trust me?”
    I stared back, hypnotized by his charisma and his ability to draw me in with such delicacy and tenderness. My words caught in the middle of my throat, the lump too large to swallow past. He was right, this was like no other relationship I had ever had. My heart rattled inside me, hopeful and hurting all at the same time. Trust. Trust. Trust? I couldn’t be sure I knew what trust was anymore.
    When his fingers traced my face and his lips came close to mine I pulled back, probably too sharp because Ryan flinched in response. “We just have to stop. No more.” My tone had been taken over by the part of me he knew little about, the part where reds and blues overtook me.
    I scurried clumsily around his desk and left his office as quick as my feet could. My insecure inner-self begged me to leave the office, maybe even the city or state, until this all went away. The rest of the day I felt bile rising up, on and off. It had only been two and half months, but damn if this didn’t hurt like hell. The bond I had with Ryan was not something I could bury, shake off or go to therapy for. I knew I was screwed.
     
    “Ry?” I ask as he pulls on his jeans past his hips. His hair shining with moisture from his shower and his face looking the youngest and most playful that I have seen it in days.
    He bends his head with a smile and asks back, “Mik?”
    “Stop,” I retort with a smirk.
    “What, love?”
    “Should we um, should …” I try to stutter out my question without sounding whiny or childlike, but fail miserably. Ryan zips his jeans and crawls up the bed shirtless. As I watch his stealth-like crawl, my