Love and Other Natural Disasters Read Online Free PDF Page B

insistently.
He probably thought I'd changed my mind about letting him in. If that's what he
was thinking, he wasn't entirely wrong.
    I quickly tied my hair back in a
ponytail, walked to the front door, and opened it. Jon and I looked at each
other with wariness, his tinged with sadness, mine with... damned if I knew.
There was no word for this maelstrom.
    "Can I come in?" he asked
with a note of hesitation.
    I stepped to the side by way of
answer.
    "Do you want to talk in
here?" he said, indicating the living room.
    I shrugged and settled myself on
the couch. He sat on the opposite end, his feet flat on the floor, leaning
forward. He was getting ready for a pitch. It couldn't have been clearer if
he'd had a PowerPoint.
    "I know you're angry," he
said. "I mean, obviously you're angry."
    "I don't know what I am,"
I said.
    "I should have told you about
Laney a long time ago."
    "Why didn't you?"
    "I didn't tell you about
meeting her at the conference because it wasn't a big deal" — (Lie Number I)
— "and I didn't think we'd ever talk again. Then she e-mailed me, and I
e-mailed her back, and it still wasn't a big deal. Then we were e-mailing more
often, and she wanted to talk on the phone, and at some point, I decided not to
mention it to you because I hadn't mentioned it sooner."
    "So you decided to start
officially lying to me."
    "It didn't seem like a lie.
The thing is, in my mind she was completely separate from you. She didn't
really have to do with you. I'm not saying that was the right way to see it, it's
just the way I saw it."
    "And now how do you see
it?" I said.
    "I see that I shouldn't have
been writing to her and talking to her so much, that it's disrespectful to you
and to our marriage. I understand that now and I won't do it anymore." It
sounded canned, rehearsed.
    "You had feelings for her. You
must still have them. I mean, you were talking to her this afternoon." If
he said he had no feelings, that was another lie, maybe a lie that indicated
just how strong his feelings actually were; if he said he did, then I had to
listen to my husband talk about another woman. Double-edged swords as far as
the eye could see.
    "She was my friend. I would
never do anything physical with her. This wasn't an affair, Eve."
    "It's an emotional
affair." I closed my eyes in disgust.
    "I can't believe I just said
that. You've turned me into an episode of Oprah."
    "I'd go on Oprah with
you, let the audience stone me if that's what it took."
    "You went outside our marriage
for a year. You were giving Laney things and getting things from her, and it
makes me sick."
    "I understand how this looks,
and how bad you feel, and I feel terrible about that. I'm not saying I can make
it up to you overnight. I can sleep in the guest room until you're ready."
    "My mother's in the guest
room." "I'll stay at the hotel until Barbara leaves, and then I'll
stay in the guest room for as long as you want. I know I have to earn your
trust back."
    "I can't stand this! I can't
stand how we've learned to play these parts. It's like you know just what to
say because every man before you has said the same things. We've seen it all on
TV and this is how it's done. Next you're going to say we can go to marriage
counseling." He looked away. "Am I right? Was that your next move if
I didn't go for the 'guest room/building trust' thing?"
    "I'd do counseling, if you
wanted," he said carefully. "But I'm not playing a part here. I love
you. I'm not saying that because it's in the script." He was gaining
intensity as he spoke. "I'm saying it because I have never in my life
loved someone like I love you. I have never wanted to marry anyone but you. I
have never wanted to have a life with anyone but you. That's the truth,
Eve."
    I wanted to be moved; I wanted his
speech to turn me around. But if what he'd said was true, and he could feel all
that for me and still write those things to Laney, what did any of it really
mean?
    "You've only e-mailed and
talked on the phone?