the exit markers. The vast silence of thespace greets me with the coolness of a cave. Iâm aware of the sound of my breath, panting, as if Iâd been running. I blink, trying to get used to the murky darkness of the theater. Finally, I can make out the rows of seats and the stage area, below.
I remember this from when Josh and I sat in here. If you sit still and donât make a sound, itâs dark enough that someone could look in and not see you. Itâs like the way a rabbit stays still, and its brown fur makes it disappear in the grass. The rabbit is there, but unless you know itâs there, youâll never see it. So itâs like itâs not there.
If Josh is sitting quietly in the theater, he could be watching me right now and I wouldnât know it. New sweat squirts under my arms. I scan the rows. If heâs crouched down between the seats, Iâd never see him. Not until he jumped up and aimed his gun at my head. My feet freeze. Iâm the rabbit. Josh is the hunter.
This morning, he was just Josh. Last night, when he brushed his teeth and said goodnight to his parents, he was just Josh. Imet his parents last term, when the cooking class hosted the parents to a dinner. My parents came in the clothes they wore to work. Joshâs parents looked like they were going to church. Joshâs dad wore a suit with one of those poofy pocket handkerchiefs. His mom wore a string of pearls at her neck. They were so proud of Josh, so happy to sit at a table and have him serve them food that heâd made himself.
When did it happen? When did he go from being just Josh to who he is now? Maybe heâs been thinking about this for a long time. Maybe last term, when he and I sat in this theater, he was thinking about it.
Josh isnât here. I have to tell myself that or I canât make my feet move. Heâs not here. I take another step down. Heâs not here. I step down from one row of seats to the other, then another. If Josh were here, Iâd already be dead. But maybe heâs waiting until he has an easy shot. Fear freezes my feet to the step.
When Josh found us in the washroom, when he was aiming that gun at us in the stall, I didnât feel fear, not like this. In thewashroom, it was like I resigned myself to being dead. But now, as I stalk him through the school, Iâm making a choice to face him and that gun again, and it scares the crap out of me. I bolt down the steps all the way to the bottom.
Heâs not here. I feel almost giddy as I reach the concession door. Heâs not here. My chest is heaving. Heâs not here.
But that means he could be anywhere.
At the concession door, I stop again. I know Josh isnât in the theater. I could just hide in the theater. I could hide between the rows and no one would see me. I could wait here until the cops storm the school. No one would blame me. Anyone in his right mind is holed up somewhere, finding religion. I donât have to stop Josh. Itâs not like Iâm Joshâs friend. I barely know the guy. Iâm just in some classes with him.
I think about the guy who locked Zoe, Natalie and me out of the classroom. His name is Justin or Jordan or something. I know him too.
Earlier today, in science, if Iâd saidsomething, would it have made a difference? I could have tried to stop Chase from opening the hamster cage. I could have stepped between Chase and the cage, told Chase what a weenie he is for tormenting Josh. But I didnât. Josh probably thinks Iâm just as bad as Chase.
I can hide, or I can face Josh. I gaze around the darkened theater. A few moments ago I was scared to be here, but now the theater feels like a refuge.
I have to try. I yank open the concession door and step in.
Chapter Ten
The door closes behind me. If it was dark in the theater, the concession is pitch-black. I fumble for a light switch. The walls feel cool, and I feel a hundred scrapes and divots, but I