Lilah Read Online Free PDF

You deserve to be here, yet...’
    She took a deep breath and her softer tone
changed to one of authority. ‘I have met with my close counsel of sisters and
it is agreed that you can no longer stay. I had hopes that you would complete
your holy vows and become one of us…’
    ‘But sister, I carry only good intent.’
    Sister Gertrude could not look in my eyes. ‘It
is decided. You must leave tomorrow morning. I will let you stay one more night
to work on a plan of where you are to live.’
    I hung my head; though it wasn’t in shame,
rather to pray to God for guidance, and to convince him that my actions had not
been used for evil. Was it so bad to cure suffering? Even without Arianne could
I have watched a child die without interfering? I may not have dabbled in
resurrecting, but I believe it would have been negligent if I did not use my
skills for apparent good. I could not tell her this. Gertrude’s ears were now
closed to any vindication that curing was somehow righteous.
    As I left she told me one more thing. Several
years earlier, my father had visited the monastery and confessed the deed of
abandoning his infant child. He had asked after my health and then begged that
the holy order try and save my soul. She had considered it strange at the time
and now understood those words after years of wondering. But even she did not
think she could save my soul and had she known my secret she may not have
accepted me into the cloister.
    Accepted. It was a word that no longer
defined me.
    I found the courage to ask if she knew where my
parents lived. She said she did not know. She blinked quickly and I was curious
that she might be holding back information that may have changed my fortune
that day; that perhaps she was protecting them also as she was protecting the
monastery.
    ‘What was he wearing?’
    Sister Gertrude viewed me quizzically. ‘Why do
you ask that?’
    ‘Is he… ’ It seemed a
difficult and shallow thing to wonder at the time but she finally understood.
    ‘He was neither poor nor wealthy. His clothes
were well stitched and I did not smell any beer on his breath. I believe his
decision came from his heart and that alone.’
    I did not know whether to feel relieved or not.
If he had been a beggar I would have perhaps felt more understanding but the
specific request to save my soul meant that he knew what I was and that hurt
more. What if he had the skill and could show me how to use it, if not for the
purposes of curing the sick?
    Although I was being abandoned once more, there
was at least some comfort in knowing that I was no longer anonymous. I wondered
what Jesus thought about my father’s and Sister Gertrude’s decisions, angrily
hoping that they would somehow be punished, and then retracting my desire and
silently praying for forgiveness for my thoughts.
    I left her office feeling distraught. The
monastery was the only home I had known. My dreams of becoming a sister, to
carry on their work: to improve and perhaps even gain more monetary support
from nobles; all those dreams were shattered. I returned to my room and wept.
    I did not hear her enter but felt Arianne’s
hand on my back. When I turned, her face said everything – she was just
as wretched.
    ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘This is all because
of me. I was too greedy for life and as punishment you will be thrown on the
streets. This cannot happen. I will speak to Gertrude again.’
    Her tears seemed to dry my own. I touched her
arm. ‘No. I will go without argument. She is perhaps right. My healing may not
be an act of goodness. I am perhaps not meant for holy orders.’
    ‘Don’t you believe that,’ said Arianne angrily.
‘There is not an ounce of evil in you. Ignore what the church and those
ignorant inquisitors say about such. You are more a child of God than any of
us.’
    ‘Arianne, I am not sure that you are right.’ I told
her what Gertrude had said of my father.
    ‘Whatever his reasons, he was not