Lieutenant Arkham: Elves and Bullets Read Online Free PDF Page B

you.” With excruciating slowness, he picks up a fan from the desk and starts to fan his face despite the gigantic electric fan which is ineffectually wafting air onto the contours of his body distorted by obesity.
    “I thought it was clear.”
    “It was just small change.”
    I’ve got an overwhelming desire to stick a bullet in his skull. Or in his throat, underneath that jelly-like, wobbly triple chin.
    Ugube snaps his fan shut, slamming it onto the desk.
    “Just
my
small change, to be exact.”
    I say nothing. What can I say? Nothing that can stop my bones from being broken. The race begins, number four breaks clean away from the others. On the last bend, the dog skids dangerously across the track, spraying dust over his competition, but he manages to stay ahead and crosses the finishing line first. Good on you, Eton, the only time you’ve ever given me a decent tip-off and I miss it. The mound of shit produces another of his sickly smiles.
    “I’ll knock your winnings off your debt, even though I shouldn’t, really. Do you want to know why I do it, Lieutenant Arkham?” He leans forward over the desk, like a bag of rubbish rolling slowly, but inexorably, out of an overflowing dumpster. The armchair creaks in exhaustion at this endless abuse. “Do you know?” he asks again, evidently expecting a reply.
    “Because I’m a nice bloke.”
    He laughs, a series of convulsions ripple through his flabby body, this sends a shudder of horror right down the length of my spine. After a delay of a couple of seconds, the thug behind me starts cackling too, maybe he felt some sort of moral obligation towards his khan. I force myself not to look at them as if they’re cockroaches, but I’m not sure I’ll have much success.
    “That, too,” says Ugube, once he’s done taking the piss. “I couldn’t live without your
witty contribution
. But I also appreciate your operative support, as you know. Speaking of which, I happen to have a job for you. You’re free next weekend, aren’t you? Will you do this small favour for me, and make me happy?”
    The mere idea of giving pleasure to that…
thing
. Another shudder dies, unexpressed, within my imagination.
    “This is what I’m here for.”
    “Ah, I’m sure you are. Nothing…different from the usual. A lorry has to go through customs without…complications. Wave that magic badge around a little, Lieutenant Arkham. I’ll let you have the details the day before, the usual procedure.”
    There’s not a lot I can say. I keep my mouth shut and grind my teeth. The khan is very pleased with himself, and he’s not exactly killing himself to hide it. Sometimes I get the feeling that he doesn’t murder me because he enjoys having me in his power, and not because I’m useful to him. He gets his kicks seeing me running up and down like a fucking puppet.
     
    “Before you go, I’d like to remind you that you still owe me one hundred and seventy-nine thousand, two hundred crowns. I’ve already adjusted the balance after your…win this evening. If everything goes well this weekend, I’ll cancel the interest, as usual. You may go.”
    He dismisses me with a bored flick of his bejewelled hand. Turning round to face the guard who stands aside with a scornful grimace. I take just one step and Ugube calls me back.
    “Ah, Lieutenent…” He waits until I turn round, fixing me with that repugnant sadistic leer. “Give Rea my warmest regards.”
    On leaving the office, the only thing I can think about is that Ugube is a transparent plastic bag full of diarrhea. It almost lifts my spirits.
     
    The insistent chirping of my mobile pulls me out of my tormented early-morning dozing. I silence it and force my eyelids apart. It
truly
is morning this time, or at least it is according to the standards of this sun-less city. A dopey-looking bloke looks back at me, his eyes are a labyrinth of capillaries injected with blood, dark bags of tiredness and unshaven. It takes a while before I