trouble getting up from sitting. No big deal.”
She purses her lips. I’m not too sure she believes me. I’m becoming more accustomed to this, and I hate it. Lie after lie.
“You’ve been falling a lot lately, Rinny. You need to be more careful.” Haven shakes her head and chuckles at my incompetent clumsiness.
I begin think about what Grace has done with the false letters from Mack and realization sinks in that I’m no better than she is. Master manipulators. Master liars.
We are masters of this craft, and only because we both want to protect this precious child from any hurt.
As soon as we get back to Jocelyn’s house, Haven bathes and then I take her to the back porch and explain to her about her period, among other things. I asked Jocelyn if it was okay that I gave her ‘the talk’ and, of course, she was perfectly fine with it. She knows I’m her mother in a way.
I explain the whole process to her and why it happens. It’s a lengthy conversation and one I never expected to have. I don’t know why I think that way. If Mack was here and we were married, I would have been able to adopt her as my own. She would be mine to have this conversation with. She would call me Mommy, and I would call her daughter, and we would be that legally forever.
Mack’s not here. She’s not mine, even though she is. There’s nothing I can do about it.
She’s grossed out and disappointed when she finds out that this only happens to girls. She says it’s unfair. Boys have it easier than girls. I agree with her, but I tell her that when God made women there was a purpose behind why this happens. It’s so people like her would be brought into the world. She asked if it happened to her mother and if that’s how she got here. I nod and tell her yes. I also tell her that her mom and dad were in love and that people who are in love make babies. Internally, I want to shout, "Your mother was a drugged out whore who hid it from everyone and she used your dad. He didn’t love her. It was a mistake. You were a mistake, but you turned out not to be."
Of course I don’t say that. She was only ten days old when her mother died. She has no idea nor would we ever say anything bad about mother. There are things she doesn’t need to know. When I think about what she put Haven through—what she put Mack through, I feel sick. So sick that she would have been so selfish to keep shooting up when she was pregnant. The angry person that I have become over these past months makes me glad she’s dead. She wasn’t worthy of life. She hurt the two people I love the most in this world, and I hope hell has no ice water for her. I hope her soul is burning. She used Mack for her gain. For her selfish, whorish ways. She trapped him. She got him drunk and stoned, and she got him to sleep with her without protection.
The outcome of their relationship is sitting next to me right now, and my heart has so much love for her that all the good, which is her, outweighs the bad. If it didn’t happen, if that whore hadn't sunk her claws in him, she wouldn’t be here. I have to forgive and forget. It’s hard to forgive a dead person. Haven should have been mine. Mack wouldn’t have to be drunk and stoned to make love to me. We would have been older, and not only more mature in our relationship, but in life as well. But some things don’t work out the way you want. This I had to learn the hard way.
Haven is the only thing that worked out in the situation, and I thank God for that every day.
MACK & CORRINE ~ MAY 2003
“R inny, work with me here, please. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
I stick another shirt and tie inside the dressing room door with only my hand. Frustrated, I shake it at him as my head is still on the outside.
“Jesus, Mack. Just try it on. I’m doing the best I can.”
He groans, and I go sit in the chair across from the door where he’s hidden. It’s only the second dress shirt and tie he’s tried on for prom, and the
She purses her lips. I’m not too sure she believes me. I’m becoming more accustomed to this, and I hate it. Lie after lie.
“You’ve been falling a lot lately, Rinny. You need to be more careful.” Haven shakes her head and chuckles at my incompetent clumsiness.
I begin think about what Grace has done with the false letters from Mack and realization sinks in that I’m no better than she is. Master manipulators. Master liars.
We are masters of this craft, and only because we both want to protect this precious child from any hurt.
As soon as we get back to Jocelyn’s house, Haven bathes and then I take her to the back porch and explain to her about her period, among other things. I asked Jocelyn if it was okay that I gave her ‘the talk’ and, of course, she was perfectly fine with it. She knows I’m her mother in a way.
I explain the whole process to her and why it happens. It’s a lengthy conversation and one I never expected to have. I don’t know why I think that way. If Mack was here and we were married, I would have been able to adopt her as my own. She would be mine to have this conversation with. She would call me Mommy, and I would call her daughter, and we would be that legally forever.
Mack’s not here. She’s not mine, even though she is. There’s nothing I can do about it.
She’s grossed out and disappointed when she finds out that this only happens to girls. She says it’s unfair. Boys have it easier than girls. I agree with her, but I tell her that when God made women there was a purpose behind why this happens. It’s so people like her would be brought into the world. She asked if it happened to her mother and if that’s how she got here. I nod and tell her yes. I also tell her that her mom and dad were in love and that people who are in love make babies. Internally, I want to shout, "Your mother was a drugged out whore who hid it from everyone and she used your dad. He didn’t love her. It was a mistake. You were a mistake, but you turned out not to be."
Of course I don’t say that. She was only ten days old when her mother died. She has no idea nor would we ever say anything bad about mother. There are things she doesn’t need to know. When I think about what she put Haven through—what she put Mack through, I feel sick. So sick that she would have been so selfish to keep shooting up when she was pregnant. The angry person that I have become over these past months makes me glad she’s dead. She wasn’t worthy of life. She hurt the two people I love the most in this world, and I hope hell has no ice water for her. I hope her soul is burning. She used Mack for her gain. For her selfish, whorish ways. She trapped him. She got him drunk and stoned, and she got him to sleep with her without protection.
The outcome of their relationship is sitting next to me right now, and my heart has so much love for her that all the good, which is her, outweighs the bad. If it didn’t happen, if that whore hadn't sunk her claws in him, she wouldn’t be here. I have to forgive and forget. It’s hard to forgive a dead person. Haven should have been mine. Mack wouldn’t have to be drunk and stoned to make love to me. We would have been older, and not only more mature in our relationship, but in life as well. But some things don’t work out the way you want. This I had to learn the hard way.
Haven is the only thing that worked out in the situation, and I thank God for that every day.
MACK & CORRINE ~ MAY 2003
“R inny, work with me here, please. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
I stick another shirt and tie inside the dressing room door with only my hand. Frustrated, I shake it at him as my head is still on the outside.
“Jesus, Mack. Just try it on. I’m doing the best I can.”
He groans, and I go sit in the chair across from the door where he’s hidden. It’s only the second dress shirt and tie he’s tried on for prom, and the
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