Last Ditch Read Online Free PDF

my
lips and took a full swallow. I let the thick liquid slide down my
throat and
then passed the him on to Ralph.
    While
we sat
there on the grass playing musical hims and shooting the breeze about
old
times, Normal
stood on the side of the hill batting at himself like he was on fire.
Having
determined that his weed was not in any of his outer garments, he was
now
working his way down through the six or seven layers beneath. Clothes
were
beginning to pile up around his ankles like molted skin. The wind
carried the
smell of mothballs and body odor to my nostrils.
    "Could
you
guys use a day's work?" I asked. Normal
stopped patting himself. Ralph set the botde in his lap.
    "You
got
work for us?" he asked.
    "No,
he's
taking a friggin' survey," George said.
    I
ignored him.
"Yup. Fifty a day each. Free lunch. Free beer. Maybe even a little
schnapps when the job is done."
    When
the
cheering subsided, I saw that Normal
had found what he was looking for and was now using his thumb to tamp a
small
green bud down into the bowl of a wooden pipe. Out over his shoulder
the
lighted green globe atop the Seattle Post-Intelligencer building spun
slowly.
Big red letters, IT’S IN THE PI. IT’S IN THE PI.
    I
got to my
feet Already, I could feel the schnapps in my head. It was escape now
or show
up at home walking on my knees, smelling like reefer. I no longer kid
myself
about just having a few. I've never wanted a few of anything in my
life. With
me, it's like the old song says: all or nothing at all. Time to get the
hell
out of here.
    "Pick
you
guys up right here at ten tomorrow morning," I said over my shoulder.
Norman began rapping
again.
    "Rollin' down the street, smokin' endo,
sippin' on gin and juice. 'G's up, hoes down.' "
     

Chapter 3

    Whoever
Said
thai at either end of the socioeconomic spectrum there exists a leisure
class
was absolutely correct. It was ten twenty-five when I pulled Rebecca's
blue
Explorer into the driveway and turned off the ignition. The bitching
started
immediately.
    "What
are
we doin' here?" George demanded. "You forget somethin' or what?"
    "This
is
where we're working," I said.
    In
the rearview
mirror, Harold looked confused. "What are we gonna do here, Leo? We
gonna
guard the joint?"
    "Yard
work."
    Big-time
silence. Then George spoke. "Yard work. Wadda ya mean we're gonna do
yard
work?"
    "The
pay's
the same either way," I said.
    "I
thought
we was doing detective work," said Ralph.
    "Nope,"
I said, stepping out onto the asphalt. "Rebecca and I figured this was
a
chance to do a few of the things we've been talking about doing ever
since we
moved in. Come on."
    Nobody
moved.
Instead, they all looked to George. He sat in the passenger seat with
his arms
folded across his chest, slowly shaking his head. "Yard work," he
said incredulously. "Are you shittin' me?"
    I
walked around
to his side and pulled open the door.
    "Come
on,
man. Nothing too heavy. Just going to clean things up a bit and burn
some
trash." I spread my arms, palms upward. "Not a bad day. Not too hot,
not too cold, not raining. Come on," I wheedled. "It'll be tons of
fun."
    George
folded his
arms higher and tighter and then turned his face away. "Just because
we're
bums don't mean we'll do yard work, for Chrissakes," he muttered. "We
got standards, ya know."
    "What
if
somebody found out?" Harold whined.
    Before
I could
respond, Normal
kicked open the rear door and stepped out He left the door open as he
bent
over, took me by the shoulder and whispered in my ear.
    "You
say
we could bum stuff?"
    I
didn't like
the gleam in his eye. Not one bit. It reminded me of that Applewhite
character.
You remember, old Onion Head. The one who cut off his own balls and
then talked
his followers into offing themselves so's they could rendezvous with
the big
spaceship in the sky. That one. The look in that man's eyes is going to
the
grave with me. These days, anytime I find myself harboring
retro-romantic
notions regarding the intelligence of my fellow creatures, I