Larceny and Old Lace Read Online Free PDF

serious. You have a minute or what?”
    Actually, at the moment there was a young couple hovering around a Victorian parlor set that had been in my inventory far too long. They alternated between sitting on the pieces and carefully examining them for flaws. At one point the wife stepped back and made blocking gestures with her hands. To be sure, all five pieces were being lined up against imaginary walls. A well chosen word or two would put their cash in my coffer. I really didn’t have time to be dumped on.
    But I am a mother. “Spill it, dear.”
    The bomb dropped without further preamble. “I quit school today.”
    â€œYou what?”
    â€œI went to the registrar’s this morning and withdrew. It wasn’t too late. Of course I won’t get all my tuition back, but who cares?”
    I bit my tongue and counted to ten. Twice. Once in French and once in Spanish.
    â€œWhy did you drop out?”
    â€œBecause school’s a drag. You know I’ve never liked school. And besides, I was at Belk’s Department Store in South Park Mall last Saturday and they need someone in the cosmetics department. I’ve decided that’s more real. School is too phony.”
    â€œIf you’re no longer in school you’re going to need a real paycheck, dear. Didn’t Dad say he was going to pay your share of the apartment only as long as you stayed in school?”
    During the ensuing silence I watched the young couple slip slowly out of love with my parlor set. If I hadn’t been held bondage by maternal strings, I might have been able to salvage the deal. I made a desperate attempt anyway.
    â€œTen percent off today,” I called out cheerily.
    â€œWhat?” Susan sounded aggravated with me. “Mama, my life’s a mess and you’re haggling with customers?”
    â€œOops, my mistake. It’s actually twenty percent off,” I yelled.
    They shook their heads and walked slowly out of my shop. They had my number. Undoubtedly they’d be back the nextday and try for 25 percent off. With any luck I’d be on the phone again and give them thirty.
    â€œMama! Don’t you care?”
    â€œOf course I care, dear. What is it you want from me?” Besides my figure, my patience, and the best years of my life. She had already taken those.
    â€œMama, I’m not going to be making that much at Belk’s. Not to start. Aren’t you going to offer to pay my rent?”
    I would not. That was the only thing Buford and I agreed upon. We would support the children financially only as long as they remained in school. Otherwise, they were on their own. With Buford’s money, Susan could have gone on to medical school or something else equally time-consuming. But since she wanted to play apartment without the benefit of an education, she was going to have to do it on her own. Maybe then she would reconsider school.
    â€œI’m the meanest Mama in the whole world,” I said, pre-empting my lovely daughter.
    â€œMama!”
    â€œAnd I’m so unfair!”
    Susan hung up. But what else could I do? I didn’t have the money to support her while she played at having a job. If she wanted to move in with me, I’d be delighted. But Susan would rather floss three times a day than do that. After all, I’m prone to wild and wacky behavior, such as sleeping when it’s dark and washing the dishes before the mold on them requires mowing. Not to mention I vacuum up my dust balls before they get too big to trip over.
    During the brief respite that followed Susan’s call I hurried over to the parlor set that had so intrigued the young couple. It was early Eastlake and in excellent condition. I took a minute to admire the burled walnut frames and the dusty pink velvet seats. Then I removed the old price, replacing it with a figure 30 percent higher. Even if I was caught on the phone when they returned, I could still afford to be generous.
    I