Kisscut Read Online Free PDF Page B

said. "I had to explain to her that she didn't really have a choice. She said it was…" He paused. "She said it was killing her twice."
    Sara felt guilt settle into the pit of her stomach.
    "She called me a baby killer," he said. "I'm a baby killer now."
    Sara shook her head no. "You didn't have a choice," she said, knowing this was true. She had made love to this man, shared her life with him. There was no way he had misjudged.
    Sara said, "You followed procedure."
    He gave a derisive laugh.
    "Jeff-"
    "You think she would have done it?" he asked again. "I don't think she would have, Sara. I'm thinking back on it, and maybe she would have walked away. Maybe she would have-"
    "Look at this," Sara interrupted, indicating the table. "She killed her own child, Jeffrey. Do you think she wouldn't have killed the father, too?"
    "We'll never know, will we?"
    Silence came like a thick cloud. The morgue was in the basement of the hospital, a tiled room with an institutional feel. The compressor on the freezer was the only noise, and it turned off with a loud click that echoed against the walls.
    "Was the baby alive?" Jeffrey asked. "When she was born, was she alive?"
    "She wouldn't have survived long without medical help," Sara said, not answering his question. For some reason, she wanted to protect Jenny.
    "Was the baby alive?" he repeated.
    "She was very small," she said. "I don't think she would have…"
    Jeffrey walked back to the table. He tucked his hands into his pockets as he stared at the baby. "I want…" he began. "I want to go home. I want you to go home with me."
    "Okay," she answered, hearing his words but not sure she understood what he wanted.
    He said, "I want to make love to you."
    Sara's eyes must have registered her shock.
    "I want to-" He stopped himself midsentence.
    Sara stared at him, a sinking feeling in her chest. "You want to make a baby."
    The look in his eyes told her this had been the last thing on his mind. Sara felt a flush of humiliation. Her heart jumped into her throat, and she could not speak.
    He shook his head, "That's not what I was going to say."
    Sara turned away from him, her cheeks burning. She could not think of words to cover what she had already said.
    He said, "I know you can't-"
    "Forget about it."
    "It's just that I-"
    She was mad at herself, not Jeffrey, but when she spoke to him, her tone was sharp. "I said forget about it."
    Jeffrey waited a few beats, obviously looking for the right thing to say. When he finally spoke, his tone was plaintive and sad. "I want to go back about five hours, okay?" He waited for her to turn around. "I want to be back in that stupid fucking skating rink with you, and when my pager goes off, I want to throw it in the fucking trash."
    Sara stared at him, not trusting herself to speak.
    "That's what I want, Sara," he repeated. "I wasn't thinking about the other. What you said-"
    She stopped him, holding up her hand. There were footsteps on the stairs, two sets of them. Sara walked into her office, drying her eyes as she went. She tugged a Kleenex out of the box on her desk and blew her nose, then counted to a slow five, bracing herself, swallowing back the humiliation she felt.
    When she turned around, detective Lena Adams and Brad Stephens were in the morgue, standing by Jeffrey, who by his look had managed to mask his emotions much as Sara had. All three of them had their hands clasped behind their backs the way cops do when they're at a scene so they won't accidentally contaminate anything. In that moment, Sara hated them all, even Brad Stephens, who was as harmless as a fly.
    "Hey, Dr. Linton," Brad said, taking off his hat as she walked into the room. His face was paler than usual and there were tears in his eyes.
    "Will you…?" Sara began, then had to stop. She cleared her throat. "Will you please go upstairs and get some sheets for me?" she asked. "Bed sheets. About four of them." Sara did not need the sheets, but Brad had been one of her patients.