Kiss the Morning Star Read Online Free PDF Page B

stove-weapon with the other.
    “Do you think I killed him?” I think of the solid crack of metal on skull, the way the man had dropped to the ground.
    “We can hope,” says Kat.
    The car lurches over the bumpy grass toward the gravel, throwing me halfway across the seat. Kat flips on the headlights, and there, directly in our path, are two of the men. In the instant I see their faces illuminated by the headlights, they look dazed; their eyes seem unable to focus on the oncoming car. “Shit!” says Kat, and she snaps off the lights again, swerving to one side. “They’d better get the hell out of the—”
    A thud—the car bounces as though running over a curb.
    “Katy, stop!” I scramble in my seat, turning to see if I can catch a glimpse of the men behind us, but it’s too dark in the shadow of the ridge. Ahead of us, the moon faintly illuminates the path of the road, and I pull my seat belt tight across my lap as we speed away.

4
    The low yellow
moon above the
Quiet lamplit house
—Jack Kerouac
     
    Wait, that’s not true, what I said about faith, about how I never had any. Or it is, but it’s not the whole truth. I couldn’t catch and hold my father’s faith—the competing columns of virtues and sins, rewards, and punishments. The Holy Bible According to Pastor Jake. But that doesn’t mean I believed in nothing.
    I used to believe in so many things—elves and leprechauns, virgins riding unicorns. I trusted that the world was made up of people who were generally good, though they may have lost their way temporarily. The faith my mother gave me—the words she whispered when she said good night, the idea that gave me hope for the two of us even when we fought bitterly over trivial things, as mothers and daughters do, I guess—was her belief in love, a love so unconditional we could barely scratch at the edges of comprehending it.
     
     
    “A clod of dirt,” says Kat, scooping a forkful of pie into her mouth. “Slight possibility of a prairie dog.”
    I want to believe her, I do. But that image…those guys with their slack-jawed faces and terror in their stupid eyes. The thud. Seriously, the thud .
    “What if we killed them all? What if I killed the first guy and then you killed those other two?” I fold my legs underneath me on the bench and wrap my shaking arms around them, tugging on my sleeves. If I can hold myself tightly enough, maybe I won’t fall apart. We are in so much trouble. The gun, the guys…the shaking escalates. My teeth chatter. Kat’s hand reaches out and touches my cheek. Her touch is light, but her voice is firm.
    “Anna. We did not kill anyone. We didn’t hit either one of those men. I’m telling you, there was a huge mound of dirt; I saw it before I turned off the headlights.”
    “Why in the hell did you turn off the headlights, anyway?” I close my eyes tightly, but the images play again on the backs of my eyelids.
    “They were frozen,” Kat says. “Like deer, I guess. Mesmerized by the lights. I turned them off so they could get their asses out of the way.” She licks her fork. “And they did, Anna, I promise. We didn’t kill anyone.” Her tone drifts toward curt. “Can you just try to trust me for once?”
    I try, but I’m not convinced. “Well, what about the guy I brained with the fuel can?” I clench my right hand; it’s like I can still feel the impact. My right hand of death.
    “You didn’t kill him. But I bet he’s going to have some headache when he wakes up. Also, nice job with the knee to the balls. With any luck you did permanent damage.”
    “But…”
    “ Anna .” Kat grabs my phone. “Should I call the cops? We’re not that far away. I’m sure the police can be here to arrest us within a half hour. Forty minutes, tops.” She dials a 9, then a 1. “If that’s what you need me to do, I’ll dial this last number. I’ll tell them everything, but seriously, show me a little faith.”
    I take the phone and end the call, looking