Joey’s Mum.”
“Col, I want to see Top Gun.”
“Go some other time.”
“I don’t want to, Col. I want to go now.”
Colin took a long look at me. He wasn’t the smartest ten year old in the world, but sometimes, just by looking, he could tell whether it was worth pushing me or whether it was time to leave things be. This time, he opted for the latter.
“That’s OK, Si. I’ll get a cricket set from ours, call for Bez and Holmy and I’ll see you at home later on.”
“OK.”
I put my hand into my pocket, dug out a 50p coin and flicked it over to him.
“Thanks!”
“Get yourself a fizzy drink, not Top Deck shandy though, Col, a soft drink. Cricket can be thirsty work, especially for a top batter like you!”
Colin smiled, “I’m like Beefy Botham, Si. I can bat and bowl!”
I smiled back, “I know you can.”
“See you later, Muscleman.”
“See you Col.....oh and Colin...”
“What?”
“If Bez and Holmy aren’t in or if it starts raining, you’ll go straight home, won’t you?”
“I will, Muscleman. I will.”
Colin ran off and I turned back around and headed back to Joey and Nicky.
“Is he OK?” Nicky asked. She was only the same age as Colin, but she had a much older head on her shoulders. I guessed bereavement forced maturity on her.
“He’s fine,” I reassured her, “he’ll be happier playing cricket. He wouldn’t sit still in the cinema. Joey, can you tell your Mum that it’ll just be the three of us now.”
Maybe I should have felt guilty about letting Colin go off, on his own, but I didn’t. The only emotion I remember feeling was excitement. Excitement about seeing Top Gun and excitement because there were only three of us now and I knew that if Nicky sat in the middle, I’d now be guaranteed a seat next to her. That popcorn bucket sharing vision was a step closer to reality. The guilt came though. It came like one of those waves that rises up to the promenade and drags helpless passers by into the swelling sea. It was unavoidable, attaching itself to my back like a monkey and twenty five years later I still can’t shake it off.
SIMON–August 1986
“Hiya Mum!” I said cheerily as I came through the front door, keeping it open to wave goodbye to Mrs.Neill and Joey, who had dropped me off.
“Hi Simon! How was Top Gun?” Mum asked from the kitchen.
“How did you know I went to see Top Gun?” I queried as I closed the front door and went through to the kitchen to join her. I’d gone to the cinema straight from Joey’s house, so was perplexed as to how Mum knew.
At that stage, Mum was going through her perm and peroxide period. Her hair was long, blonde and big. Tall at the top, wide at the sides and frizzy just about everywhere. Most of the time Mum’s dark roots were showing too. I remember playing I-spy in the car once and Colin did ‘B’ for black, ‘the colour of the insides of Mum’s hair’.
“Colin told me you were going. He came back for his cricket stuff earlier. He was moaning about you going, said you all should have gone to play cricket.”
Cricket, with hindsight, was a terrible option. Mrs.Neill’s weather forecast had been correct, it had poured down. As soon as we came out of the cinema we were witness to an almighty downpour, we had to pull our T-shirts over our heads as we ran to the car.
“They won’t have had much chance of playing cricket! When did it start raining?”
“About half an hour after he grabbed his stuff. I thought he would have come back in moaning, but no doubt he’ll come back in when he’s hungry, looking like a drowned rat.
I’m just doing your tea, how many ‘Fish Fingers’ do you want?”
“Do we have tomato sauce?”
“Yes.”
“Good, I hate ‘Fish Fingers’ without tomato sauce.”
“How many do you want then?”
“Two, please.”
“Just two?”
“Mrs.Neill bought us popcorn and a drink before the film and then a choc ice during the interval. I’m stuffed.”
To my great