Killer's Cousin Read Online Free PDF Page B

first place, to have me come here?”
    There was a telltale moment of silence. Then: “What does it matter whose idea it was? David, I assure you, Vic was only too happy …”
    I doubted that. “Well, Julia is not happy,” I said. “And if you want to break up Vic’s marriage, this might do it.” I didn’t say,
And imagine how I feel
. She clearly wasn’t interested in that.
    My mother said, “What are you talking about? What about Julia?”
    â€œJulia is not happy about my being here,” I repeated. “She’s so mad at Vic about it, she’s not talking to him. And he’s not talking to her. And,” I added, suddenly inspired, “if that’s not enough, think of Lily. They’re making her be the go-between. It’s not psychologically healthy for a kid. I’m messing them all up. I shouldn’t be here.”
    â€œVic and Julia aren’t talking to each other?”
    My mother is not usually slow. “That’s right,” I saidpatiently. And I told her about the dinner. I gave her the long version, with details: the way she likes her information. Then I paused. “Hello?” I said finally.
    â€œI’m thinking,” said my mother.
    I waited another minute. “Look,” I said, “you do see that my being here is messing them up and that it’s not comfortable for me, knowing—” I stopped. I didn’t want to go on.
    â€œWe had this conversation,” my mother said. I could hear the strain in her voice. “You need to finish high school. Nothing has changed. Not for you. Or us.
    â€œAs to Vic and Julia,” my mother continued, when it was clear I wasn’t going to say anything, “I know you will find this difficult to believe, but I suspect … well, I doubt their quarrel is about you.”
    â€œReally,”
I said.
    â€œReally,” said my mother. “I’ve had a feeling for a few years now that things weren’t right. From what Vic has said—or maybe hasn’t said …” She sighed. “I didn’t want to know about it, but I did. Things haven’t been right for Vic and Julia for a very long time. Since Kathy died, at least.”
    With that, I remembered the dining room wall downstairs. Not a single photo of Vic and Julia’s older daughter.
    â€œIt’s not you, David,” continued my mother. “You’re not … you can’t make things worse for them than they already were. Are.” She sighed again.
    Maybe she was right. Maybe I wasn’t the problem. But how could my mother think my presence wouldn’t make things worse? I was suddenly overwhelmed with tiredness. It was terrible, I suppose, if my uncle andaunt had come apart over Kathy. Worse, obviously, than if they had recently fought only about me. But I didn’t care.
    â€œLook,” I started again. I wasn’t clear what my point was, what I wanted. I guess I knew I couldn’t leave; knew there was nowhere to go. But I needed her to hear me.
    Instead my mother burst in with a torrent of words. “I’m just so glad you’re there for them, David. My poor big brother. And little Lily. Even Julia, she can’t help who she is. Maybe you can help them.
    â€œListen,” said my mother. “Maybe in a little while Vic will be able to talk to you. Oh, I know he won’t really talk, but, you know, that male bonding thing. You can bond. It could really help Vic, that you’re there. Even if he can’t talk about Kathy.”
    I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. Didn’t she—my God, she was my mother!—didn’t she understand a single thing about me? About what had happened to me? “Mom,” I started.
    But she cut me off. “David, I don’t think Vic would have offered to have you if he didn’t want you. You’re family. Vic always wanted a son.”
    I already have a father
, I