Kill All the Lawyers Read Online Free PDF

filtering device between Jackie's brain and her mouth. No subject was off-limits. Orgasms: number and intensity. Penises: shapes, sizes, and proficiency. Credit ratings: guys lacking a seven-figure net worth should not bother calling. She cataloged potential mates on a sliding scale she called "Minimum Husband Standards." Two extra points for the man who puts the toilet seat down. Two-point penalty for the guy who keeps his Rogaine next to the skim milk in the refrigerator.
    Sometimes she would recite the names and attributes of her former beaus by creating a song to the tune of "Do-Re-Mi."
    "Jack, a jerk, a cheapskate jerk. Dick, a drop of worthless scum . . ."
    When she could no longer remember the names of all the men she'd slept with by counting on her fingers, Jackie peeled off her Jimmy Choos and computed on her toes. When she'd run out of toes, she created a spreadsheet on her computer.
    "Do you think Steve will like the place?" Jackie asked, fingering a button on her silk and cashmere cardigan, which was purposely one size too small.
    "Doubt it. He hates elevators."
    "So why are we here?"
    "It's a partnership." Victoria looked to the north where the drawbridge began to open on the Venetian Causeway, a sailboat with a tall mast waiting to pass through. "He doesn't get to choose where we live."
    "Ooh. Assertiveness raises its well-coifed head."
    "I mean, why should Steve call all the shots?"
    "You go, girl."
    "If we're going to move in together, shouldn't I have equal say?"
    "If?"
    "What?"
    "Vic-a-licious. You just said 'if' you move in together. I think you have cold feet and sweaty palms."
    "What are you talking about?"
    "You're a commitment phobe."
    "That's absurd. I'm committed to Steve."
    "How many men have you lived with?"
    "You know the answer. None."
    Jackie belted out a laugh that made her breasts jiggle underneath the Calvin Klein cardigan. "I've lived with three in one year."
    "You call that commitment?"
    "I call it courage. Tori, you're a scaredy-cat."
    "Am not."
    "Are too. You love Steve. You have from the day you met him."
    "I hated him the day I met him."
    "Same difference."
    "Sometimes, Jackie, you're as exasperating as Steve is."
    "Really? Well, if you ever dump that bad boy into the recycling bin, have him page me."
    Jackie laughed again, Victoria joining in. A moment later, Steve came through the open door and onto the balcony. "What's so funny?"
    "Men," the women said simultaneously.
    Jackie looped an arm around Steve's elbow. "Have you seen the master bath? The Jacuzzi? The marble floors?"
    "All I've seen are the damn elevators. You have to take one from the parking garage and another from the lobby."
    "But did you check out the pool?" Victoria chimed in. "Bobby will love it. You know how swimming soothes him."
    "Swimming with dolphins soothes him. I didn't see any in the shallow end."
    "C'mon, handsome," Jackie said. "Keep an open mind."
    "There's no land. No grass." Steve gestured toward the ground, forty-one floors below. "It's all concrete down there. Where am I going to play catch with Bobby? And what's with that sign on the seawall? No Fishing ?"
    "You hate fishing," Victoria said.
    "I hate rules. I love fishing. I come from a long line of anglers."
    "You come from a long line of liars."
    "Shows what you know. My zayde Abe Solomon caught a record herring off Savannah."
    "There are no herring off Savannah."
    "Grandpop Abe must have caught them all."
    "Don't be difficult," Jackie intervened. She put both hands on her hips in a motion that pushed her breasts higher. "Steve, you have a few things going for you in the husband sweepstakes. You're single, straight, and self-supporting. But frankly, I've pulled your credit report, and you're not exactly Donald Trump."
    "I'll dye my hair orange if that'll help."
    "You drive a ratty old car, you dress like a Jimmy Buffet roadie, and except for what I've been told are your talents in the bedroom—"
    "Jackie!" Victoria blushed.
    "You're not all that great