in her eyes kept me quiet. âWell, Jackson is coming home with me after practice. Can you pick me up?â
âIf I canât, Julian will. Jackson is welcome anytime. You know that.â
I shrugged. âI donât know what I know,â I mumbled. It was as much of a protest as I felt comfortable with.
âYou donât need to know,â she said. âTrust me.â
Trust her? I trusted her about not needing to know my dad and now he was gone. Part of me wanted to scream, but I buried it and went to school in a daze. After practice, it was my mom who picked us up, and after a short swim, Jacksonâs mom arrived to take him home.
âYouâre welcome to join us for dinner,â my mom said to his mom.
âYouâre too kind, but I made a tuna casserole thatâs waiting for us,â replied Jacksonâs mom.
Before he left, Jackson pulled me aside. âYou okay, Ry? Youâre acting too quiet, even for you.â
âYeah, sure,â I said. I donât know why, but I still hadnât told him about my dad.
He gave me a doubtful look, then shrugged. âOkay.â
I watched them pull away, then returned to the kitchen.Teresa had dinner all out on the table. My mom sat with a napkin in her lap, sipping iced tea and watching me closely. I wasnât going to ask about the funeral. Something in me refused to make a fuss. It wasnât until halfway through dinner when my mom cleared her throat to speak.
âYouâre going to have to leave practice early tomorrow.â
An alarm went off in my brain. âWhat? Mom, I canât just leave practice early.â
âIâll talk to your coach, Coach Hubbard,â she said. âYou donât have a choice.â
I dropped my fork and it clanged off my plate. Missing football practice wasnât something you just did. âWhat do you mean? Why?â
I watched her face turn red and then she scowled. âAm I not your mother?â
âI canât miss practice.â
âFor this you can.â
âFor what?â I wanted to know.
My mother made a fist and brought it down the way a judge hammers his bench with a gavel. Everything shook. The silverware jingled and even Teresa froze with a pot in her hands at the kitchen sink. âIf I knew for certain, Iâd say it, Ryan, but I donât know. Letâs just say that it has to do with your father and leave it at that, shall we?â
The tone of her voice didnât allow for anything other than total agreement.
11
The next day, I endured the embarrassment of walking off the practice field an hour before the rest of my team. It was only after I showered and changed into the dress clothes my mother handed me outside the locker room that she was ready to talk.
âWeâre going to your fatherâs office,â she said as her big white truck merged into the traffic out on the highway.
âLike, where he worked?â I asked.
âNot really,â she said. âItâs a family office.â
âWhatâs that?â I was totally confused, because how could a family need an office?
âJust . . . youâll see,â she said.
âWhy are you so mad about it?â
She shook her head. âItâs excessive, Ryan. Everything your father did was excessive. It doesnât even make sense when thereare people, children, in the world who have nothing.â
I thought that was strange. We had a lot, so did that not make sense? But I kept quiet because my mother was not to be questioned when she got like this, with the wild look in her eye and the tremble in her voice.
We got off the highway close to downtown and pulled into the parking lot of a building that looked almost more like an old home than an office building, with its stone walls and slate pitched roof. We went in and up the stairs. Everything and everyone was quiet. We were ushered into an enormous conference room. We met a slew of