Kazuo Ishiguro Read Online Free PDF Page B

and me go to England tomorrow. Then we can wait and see what happens.’
    ‘But you see, sir, excuse me. But you see, the detectives looking for my parents. They’re the very best detectives.’
    I am not sure what exactly the colonel said to this. Perhaps he just went on nodding. In any case, the next moment, he leaned in even closer to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.
    ‘Look here. I realise how it must feel. Entire world’s collapsed about your ears. But you’ve got to be brave. Besides, your aunt in England. She’s expecting you, don’t you see?
    Can’t very well let the lady down at this stage, can we?’
    When, sitting over our soup that evening, I related to him my memory of these last words of his, I rather expected him to laugh. Instead, he said solemnly: ‘I felt so sorry for you, my boy. So terribly sorry.’ Then perhaps sensing he had misjudged my mood, he gave a short laugh and said more lightly: ‘I remember waiting at the harbour with you. I kept saying: “Look here, we’re going to have a lot of fun on that ship, aren’t we? We’re going to have a jolly good time.” And you just kept saying: “Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.”’
    I allowed him, for the next several minutes, to drift through reminiscences concerning various of his old acquaintances who had been present in Mr Anderson’s office that morning. Without exception, their names meant nothing to me. Then the colonel paused and a frown crossed his face.
    ‘As for that Anderson himself,’ he said eventually, ‘that chap always gave me an uneasy feeling. Something fishy about him.
    There was something fishy about the whole damn business, if you ask me.’
    No sooner had he said this than he looked up at me with a start. Then before I could respond, he began to talk again rapidly, moving us on to what he no doubt considered the safer territory of our voyage to England. Before long, he was chuckling to himself as he recounted memories of our fellow passengers, the ship’s officers, amusing little incidents I had long forgotten or had not registered in the first place. He was enjoying himself and I encouraged him to do so, often pretending to remember something just to please him. However, as he continued with these reminiscences, I found myself becoming somewhat irritated. For gradually, from behind his cheerful anecdotes, there was emerging a picture of myself on that voyage to which I took exception. His repeated insinuation was that I had gone about the ship withdrawn and moody, liable to burst into tears at the slightest thing. No doubt the colonel had an investment in giving himself the role of an heroic guardian, and after all this time, I saw it was as pointless as it was unkind to contradict him. But as I say, I began to grow steadily more irritated. For according to my own, quite clear memory, I adapted very ably to the changed realities of my circumstances. I remember very well that, far from being miserable on that voyage, I was positively excited about life aboard the ship, as well as by the prospect of the future that lay before me. Of course, I did miss my parents at times, but I can remember telling myself there would always be other adults I would come to love and trust. In fact, there were a number of ladies on the voyage who had heard what had happened to me and who, for a time, came fussing around me with pitying expressions, and I can recall feeling much the same irritation with them as I did towards the colonel that evening at the Dorchester. The fact was, I was not nearly as distressed as the adults around me seemed to suppose. As far as I can recall, there was only a single instance during the whole of that long voyage when I might conceivably have merited that title of ‘snivelling little squirt’, and even that occurred on the very first day of our journey.
    The sky that morning was overcast, the waters around us very muddy. I was standing on the deck of the steamer gazing back towards the harbour, towards