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establishment should be no stranger to his lordship.’
    ‘He would have to be somebody who knew Uncle Percy, you mean?’
    ‘Precisely, sir.’
    ‘But, Jeeves, my dear old soul, don’t you see that that makes it still worse? Use the bean. In that case, the chap says to himself, “Hullo! Old Worplesdon having secret meetings with mystery men? Come, come, what’s all this? I’ll bet this means that that merger I’ve been reading about so much is going to come off.” And he nips out and phones his broker to start buying those shares and to keep on buying till he’s blue in the face. Thus wrecking all Uncle Percy’s carefully laid plans and rendering him sicker than mud. You follow me, Jeeves?’
    ‘Completely, sir. I had not overlooked that contingency. The occupant of the cottage would, of course, have to be some gentleman whom his lordship could trust.’
    ‘Such as—?’
    ‘Well, yourself, sir.’
    ‘But – sorry to have to rub it in like this, but it’s only kind to remove the scales from your eyes – 1 haven’t got a cottage.’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘I don’t get you, Jeeves.’
    ‘His lordship is placing one of his own at your disposal, sir. He instructed me to say that he wishes you to proceed to-morrow to Steeple Bumpleigh—’
    ‘Steeple Bumpleigh!’
    ‘– where you will find a small but compact residence awaiting you, in perfect condition for immediate occupation. It is delightfully situated not far from the river—’
    It needed no more than that word ‘river’ to tell me what had occurred. On his good mornings, I don’t suppose there are more than a handful of men in the W.l postal district of London swifter to spot oompus-boompus than Bertram Wooster, and this was one of my particularly good mornings. I saw the whole hideous plot.
    ‘Jeeves,’ I said, ‘you have done the dirty on me.’
    ‘I am sorry, sir. It seemed the only solution of his lordship’s problem. I feel sure, sir, that when you see the residence in question, your prejudice against Steeple Bumpleigh will be overcome. I speak, of course, only from hearsay, but I understand from his lordship that it is replete with every modern convenience. It contains one large master’s bedroom, a well-appointed sitting-room, water both hot and cold—’
    ‘The usual domestic offices?’ I said. And I meant it to sting.
    ‘Yes, sir. Furthermore, you will be quite adjacent to Mr Fittleworth.’
    ‘And you will be quite adjacent to your fish.’
    ‘Why, yes, sir. The point had not occurred to me, but now that you mention it that is certainly so. I should find a little fishing most enjoyable, if you could spare me from time to time while we are at Wee Nooke.’
    ‘Did you say “Wee Nooke”?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘Spelled, I’ll warrant, with an “e”?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    I breathed heavily through the nostrils.
    ‘Well, listen to me, Jeeves. The thing’s off. You understand? Off. Spelled with an o and two f’s. I’m dashed if I’m going to be made a – what’s the word?’
    ‘Sir?’
    ‘Catspaw. Though why catspaw? I mean, what have cats got to do with it?’
    ‘The expression derives from the old story of the cat, the monkey and the chestnuts, sir. It appears—’
    ‘Skip it, Jeeves. This is no time for chewing the fat about the animal kingdom. And if it’s the story about where the monkey puts the nuts, I know it and it’s very vulgar. Getting back to the res, I absolutely, positively and totally refuse to go to Steeple Bumpleigh.’
    ‘Well, of course, sir, it is perfectly open to you to adopt the attitude you indicate, but—’
    He paused, massaging the chin. I saw his point.
    ‘Uncle Percy would look askance, you mean?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘And might report the matter to Aunt Agatha?’
    ‘Precisely, sir. And her ladyship, when incensed, can be noticeably unpleasant.’
    ‘Rem acu tetigisti,’ I said, moodily. ‘All right, start packing.’

CHAPTER 5
    I t has been well said of Bertram Wooster by