or television programme, making the Ford Capri rock from the blast and knocking me over onto the seat. Dad had managed to get to his feet but his whole body was on fire as he ran around the garage, screaming with a mixture of pain and terror, unable to escape the flames that clung to him, his movement making them burn fiercer. The other men, including Derek, all came running out of the office and stared in horror. It was as though time had frozen as they all stood there in shock, watching Dad. Every second seemed like an hour as the flames grew more ferocious, fanned by the wind, which returned through the doors once the blast had died away and took a firmer hold on their victim. As I struggled with the locks of the Capri door, desperate to get to him, all I could see was him running around and his screams filled my ears. I thought no one was doing anything to help him but I found out later that Derek had been struggling with a fire extinguisher, unable to get it to work.
A neighbour from across the road, who had heard the explosion, came running in through the entrance,grabbed Dad and threw him onto the floor, trying to beat the flames out. I finally managed to get out of the Capri and ran across to where Dad was lying. By the time I got there the flames were out and everything was black and charred. His whole body was shaking and convulsing and going into shock. Derek grabbed me and covered my eyes with his hand before I could see Dad’s incinerated face close up. I remember the smell, though – a sickly smell of burned flesh and choking smoke. I could hear the sound of sirens coming closer and people running around as I struggled to get free, kicking and biting, frantic to get to my dad. Derek kept holding me tight so that I didn’t get in the way of the rescuers, protecting me from the full impact of the sight.
The ambulance men lifted Dad onto a stretcher and loaded him into the back of the ambulance.
‘Let me come with you. Dad, tell them to let me come!’ I cried, tears streaming down my face, but the ambulance men said no, they couldn’t have a child on board.
Derek phoned my Aunt Melissa and she rushed over within a few minutes. She tried to comfort me as best she could but she was too worried about her brother to think clearly about anything. To me at that moment it felt like the whole world had ended in that explosion of horror. I was just five years old. I wanted my dad back.
Chapter Four
‘Turn Him Off!’
T he ambulance carried Dad off at full speed, all sirens blaring. I watched it go and then Aunt Melissa led me up the road to her house and phoned Marie to let her know what had happened. When Marie arrived, I remember lots of hushed whispers and glances that I wasn’t meant to see. Melissa’s husband Amani, a big Nigerian guy, kept staring at me and I remember I felt uncomfortable and didn’t want him there.
‘When can I go to the hospital to see my dad?’ I kept asking. I knew his burns must be hurting a lot. I could remember clearly how much it had hurt when Mum had pressed my hand against the flat of the iron, so I thought I could imagine what agonies my dad must be going through after being completely engulfed in flames and I wanted to go and try to comfort him. I couldn’t get the image of him running around the garage on fire outof my head. I didn’t like being parted from him when I was so worried about what was going on. I felt exposed and vulnerable. All the bad things that had ever happened to me had always happened when he wasn’t there to protect me and I didn’t know how long it would be before he was able to come out of hospital and be there for me again. I kept asking the adults questions but none of them had any answers for me. Everyone was crying.
Marie took me home a few hours later. Being with her always felt more like being at home than when I was in the house where my mother lived. I was in a state of complete shock, unable to take in what I had witnessed